ending the beginning

blackbird

It is impossible for me to not be quietly reflective on the past year as it slowly winds to a close today. There have been milestones. The end of my marriage was finalized last January as the year began. It ended quietly and without fuss because that was the way I wanted it to be. My only priority has always been to make sure my children have the opportunity to learn by my example and have a fair chance to heal. My heart was still very broken but I kept the ache to myself. I am still healing. I also learned this past year that cancer just might not leave me alone. After a series of inconclusive tests, I am heading to the cancer clinic in London during the second week of January to hopefully find some answers. There was a mix of sad and difficult as well as joyous events throughout the year. I prefer to focus on the positive.

Whatever arrives with the coming year, I am grateful. Life has been and will always be filled with ups and downs, challenges, and even when I feel defeated by it all, there are just as many people and events that pull me up again. I don’t like New Year’s resolutions. I never have. I do like having the opportunity to refocus and reflect. No false promises to myself that I will do this or that in order to make myself a better person. I am enough.

I dreamed last night that I wrote a book. I suppose that is where I will start tomorrow. Today, however, I will just pour myself another cup of coffee and watch the snow blow around in the wind.

la

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