Inevitably, I sit at my desk after the rush of Christmas and birthdays are over, and take some time to reflect on the past year. I pick apart the failures, re-live some of the happier moments, and make loose plans for the coming months ahead. I don’t make resolutions. I am certain I have written before about why I don’t, so I won’t trouble myself to write it out again (mostly because I am in a lazy mood. I’d rather be sleeping than sitting at a desk at the moment).
The past year was about reflection, rediscovery and healing. The coming year will be a little of the same I think, with more looking for ‘solutions’ that I need. I was derailed a little by some news from my doctor, but I am pushing forward with the idea that there is nothing to worry about and no surgery, chemo or radiation in my near future. I returned to lojong training last night. I think this meditation will help me a great deal to peel away what is no longer needed and refocus my spirit. The last half of the year, I was feeling quite lost and directionless. There is nothing wrong with having moments of rest and floating. Boats are a good example of it. Myself, I have learned to be more still as a result.
I read an article recently that was circulating among my friends, about how making goals is useless (or at least not as effective as we once thought it was) but turning your attention to the process, the steps that are need to achieve actual results is really the way to enjoy a bit of success in doing what you want to do. Luckily for me, processes and systems are what I love to explore.
Nothing happens by itself, even if sometimes things seem to happen ‘out of the blue’. I think my interest in studying process and the development of systems was first cultivated in a formal way when I was university studying anthropology. There I learned how to identify over reaching process and systems and how they shaped and impacted groups of individuals, as well as how individuals had an impact on the systems they find themselves within.
It is something I enjoy thinking about. I don’t like thinking about should have, wish I did and regrets in general. I just want to look and move forward.
I have more to say about the shortness of life, but I will save that for tomorrow.