waiting to be noticed


I have been studying Buddhism for seventeen years. Even though a big part of my training has been to notice, to pay attention, sometimes I don’t do that. Sometimes my mind (and life) wanders and it isn’t until I come back to the cushion to meditate that something happens to make me notice. I have been trained and practicing how to pay attention to habits, thoughts, ideas, emotions for almost two decades and still it surprises me when I notice something different or new.

It’s not a bad or good thing. I just notice.

Yesterday I noticed that I have gotten into the habit of spending Sundays or at least a good part of that day, going through my music library and building a new playlist (or several) to take me through the week. Sometimes it involves music that I have discovered while listening to the CBC, sometimes I dust off some old favorites, and sometimes it is a wild mix across all genres.

I also noticed that one of my daughter’s cats has become especially attached to me since she moved out for university. He greets me at the door every night after I get home from work. He yells at me until I check that his food bowl is filled to the appropriate level. He falls asleep across the back of the soft beside me at 8:00 pm after he has spent the evening chasing the other cat around or stealing my yarn work off the table.

Routine. I have been taught that routine can be difficult because if you are in one, you might not realize how much it is affecting your health, your wellbeing, and to break a habit, or adopt a new routine is also difficult. I know there are numbers attached to building a new routine. Some say 21 days is what it takes. Others have different total numbers. I imagine at this time of year, as we wind down through Christmas and head over to a new year, the health conscious (and business oriented) will start flogging the usual pitch to get me moving again. Sometimes those reminders are good. A jab out of the mundane. Sometimes they are not.

My music routine, I don’t want to interrupt. I don’t think I can interrupt the cat’s routine – he has me fairly well trained. My health routine is evolving.

Routine is not so different from practice in some respects. Regular practise, whether it is dragging my body to the yoga mat, or sitting in meditation or mindfulness while preparing a meal or driving home from work, is necessarily repetitive. The difference lies for me in the intent, and mindfulness that is necessary to move past the mindless activity.   That intent keeps me rooted in the present moment. Until I fall out and think of other things again.

I’ll just keep practicing.

One of the best  times I have found to practise oddly enough has been while having an MRI done. Four more weeks.


One thought on “waiting to be noticed

  1. kahwahtan

    Meditation is one item I have in my bucket list but have yet to get down to it. Yes, I often cherish the quiet times eg when I do my nightly slow jog of 30 minutes and my mind goes over the things I have done, not done and the names of friends that are in my mind.

    The aloneness, the quietness often provides a good degree of refreshing of both mind/body.
    I recall the several times, some 10 years ago…when I sat alone by myself, apart from friends, in the midst of the deep Asian tropical forest in Sarawak….and I felt the majesty of the starry starry skies above me…it was a spiritual refreshing of both soul/spirit…..awed by the vastness of the stars in the dark but not foreboding vastness…I felt insignificant and yet alive and a thankfulness for all that I am….it was like meditation but in a forest setting.

    We had gone to Sarawak on a church mission trip and I had wandered off myself some distance away to be alone.

    May the quietness of the mind and heart bring a deep solace that busyness cant….



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