a prayer before dying

shhhh twenty percent
inside me
and even awake
slams the door
shut tight
and to the world
says a big fuck you
and thank you very much
leave me alone already
i don’t want you or your help
your words are empty and shallow
nothing that is what you mean
to me.

shhhh twenty percent
sleeps oblivious/ indifferent
another twenty percent
happy in the sunshine
puppy dog eyes and watching
heart full to overflowing
waiting for the next message
for the overwhelming excitement
to spirit me away
the soft touch
of my palm to yours
to follow
each word to the letter

shhhh 20%
20% follows
and the rest –
the chaotic milling
and pacing
of the rest of my 100% –
is milling and pacing chaotically
weaving over the line
drifting towards the ditch
swaying with the breeze
no matter how rank or sweet
it might be
following and stopping
looking and searching
raging and crying
hoping and laughing
in prayer before dying

shhh we are sleeping
and do not want to be disturbed

hallelujah we singing
and you are preaching to the choir

please we are waiting
and want to know the truth

we are the rest of us
dressed in the folds of a sweater
on this cool day in November
housed in this body,
standing dazed and confused
in this sunshine and crisp air
convince and caress
embrace and hold close
at the very least
help us to see that
it is in fact a path
we’ve been standing on
all along
all we want is something
something to quench our

what now for those
who slammed the door shut?
what language for them ?
what energy on aiding
those who are adamantly deaf?
What now for those who follow
Blindly into bliss and need no
Convincing in the light?
What now for the rest
Who simply do not know
And wrestle with shame and doubt
Anger and confusion
Joy and love and happiness?
What now for them?
What now…..

You inside of me, may sleep
Keep your hardened self a seed
Whose shell is unbroken and

You inside of me, may rejoice
In the freedom you find in the light
Bloom and spread your wings
– dream and dream and dream

finally you – you who cower and question
and love and cry inside of me
you may wonder
you may live
you may pray
you may love
in your prayers before dying
know that you are
and that is all.

~ la tyson


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