day’s end

Broken frames tilt
in staccato steps across the wall
corners separated,
paint chipped and fading
Hanging by wire and finishing nails

landscapes not been seen in decades
I watch them leading across the room
silent parade
to the gold dipped window glass
witness the end of another day.

river stones on the window sill
are a reminder of strength I never had
but wished for
drawn in white quartz lines running around
the edge of granite smoothed by water’s constant breath

I turn the switch of the milk glass lamp
let the soft light fall over me
my feet hang off the edge
toes barely touching hardwood
one push back and I fall

night steals long shadows
dresses them to dance
in corners and stairwells
while I wrestle with the day
still living in my head

sleep comes to curl up beside me
a dent on the pillow
while I stare at the ceiling
willing the space between
one breath and the next
to bring more than it does

~

la fraser
September 2017

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bump in the road

I have been mostly offline for the past month or so, and especially in the last couple of weeks due to computer issues. My six year old laptop has finally decided that it no longer wanted to work how/ when I wanted it too. Instead, it has chosen to auto-write using only the ” – ” key… ad nauseum. This makes writing anything a bit of a challenge.

So, I found myself unable to communicate much less work on writing projects because of the hardware issue. Working from my phone is impossible because well, it is a phone, and I am also having some eye issues. I need to book an appointment for the old eyeballs soon because since my last hospital inspection, my eyesight has deteriorated significantly. Reading is next to impossible, and fine print, forget it. Being old doesn’t help either, although my eye doc did tell me the last time I was in for a check up that I would not need glasses until I was eighty but things have changed.

It’s a bump in the road. All of it.

Thanks to the generosity of my oldest, I have a loaner laptop when I need it. I am grateful. I wasn’t planning on a complete digital detox of my non-work life but I got one anyway. I have been making things, and reading more. I have a few sketches done for a new painting  and a new work table set up in the apartment to encourage me to actually break out the paints.

What I am missing most though is the space and time to write. I have to admit, I have been writing offline more than online lately. It wasn’t because of the laptop disaster but out of a deep need to hold an actual pen in my hand and press it to paper. I haven’t written as much as I would have liked to, but I have enjoyed the pen scratching. Likely that will continue as the summer unfolds, but so will the click-clack of typing now that I have a sleek little Mac book to borrow when I have a moment to spare.

Why am I writing about this tonight? Not sure actually. I have found myself paring back still on what I do share on social media – I rarely am on any platforms any more and have deleted several pages and sites because I have lost interest. I think I would like to focus on one space for awhile rather than spread out over many. Likely it will be this space because I am drawn to what is here, but I promise, it will be less rambling and more creatively interesting. Unless you like babbling, then this post might just be up your alley.

Anyway, my goal is to not have any goals, make no plans and let whatever arrives here arrive. Finding the balance I need between work life and the rest is challenging these days, but I am committed to keeping that creative fire alive.

If you are taking the time to read this nonsense, thank you. I make no promises. I may be back sooner rather than later. I may be lost in a book or two or up to my eyeballs in acrylic paint. Whatever the case may be, I will pop in and share.

la

taking a break, reducing noise

I took a step yesterday evening that I probably should have done awhile ago, but did not for a variety of different reasons… I deleted all social media apps from my phone and am taking an official break from all things social media for a couple of weeks. It feels strange to even writing it down/ announce it, but it is necessary. I am sensitive to the fact that because of the many circles I am connected to, if I simply disappeared, there would be issues (unnecessary ones) and I will avoid that as much as I possibly can. It goes against my agreeable nature to make others worry or cause a ruckus. I like to be drama free, but where social media is concerned, we all seem to walk on egg shells sometimes no matter what we do.

I suppose technically writing here is a form of social media, but any interaction is a bit more arms length and less immediate. I have my reasons for taking a break elsewhere. The biggest one being self-care. I am also frustrated with some of the platforms that have shifted from social connection to billboards in such a drastic manner when I sign in I am seeing old posts under ‘most recent’ or a slew of advertisements that I don’t care about. I am fairly good at balancing the different parts of my life but lately, people are very demanding, and I need some time off. So, I am walking away. Well, clicking away (and rolling around in my desk chair) to refocus on returning to simpler tasks and reducing the noise.

I have no plan, other than to perhaps write more if the moment strikes, get outside more now that the weather is finally warmer and free of snow and ice, and simply take a break from having my energy drawn in too many different directions. I will be actively engaged in the spring cleaning of my soul.

la

seeking light

 

tell me to be strong
as I close my eyes
head down in a vice
another blinding headache
fill my chest with stones
to balance the weight
and lay me beneath the stars
for one more night
with the moon

let your words float
around my face
to kiss my eyes to sleep
one last time before you go

remind me
please

snow melts
floods recede
sun rises
moon sets

life moves
in the deepest soil
seeking light
~

la fraser March 20, 2017

spring cleaning

 

 

I have been making small attempts to do some spring cleaning here… I have been feeling like it is time to throw open the windows and doors and let some fresh air in after a long winter. The truth is, it hasn’t been a hard winter in my neck of the woods this year. We had a few dicey snow days but otherwise, relatively low key compared to other parts of the country. My creative life has been reflected in the waiting for the big storm, in the hunkering down in preparation for freezing temperatures and ice storms, and then the relief that nothing terrible arrived. Nothing arrived at all except a light dusting of snow.

The hurry up and wait will be replaced soon by warmer temperatures, budding trees and blooming flowers. I cannot wait. But while I do (because of course it is just March and we will probably get another storm or two) I will gently massage the structure of this site, perhaps get back to more writing and definitely more sharing.

I have been trying to organize some photos for a portfolio – not that I have any plans to show it to anyone, but I hear that is a good exercise to do when you are trying to sort out the kind of photographer you are ( I really don’t know) or the direction you would like to take next (yep, no clue). Instagram has been a bit of a testing ground for that, and the thought is to expand some of the collections here. With the warmer weather also comes the ability to get out with the camera more, which will add to the collections/ portfolio.

Ideas are percolating and what shape they will take in the long run, we will just have to wait and see. Kind of like waiting for those first spring flowers to finally push through the debris left by winter.

la

 

celebrating a decade of word vomit

10yrs

 

I discovered this afternoon, while going through my notifications, that I am celebrating a milestone. I, of course, was oblivious to the fact that it has been ten years since I started writing, sharing, restarting, and writing some more here, but there it is. It is amazing to think back to that time. I was very timid about sharing anything that I had written in the beginning. After 10 years, I am still not 100% confident in sharing a story excerpt or poem, but I at least still do it. I save more pages now than I delete. I am still writing. It all says something, I am sure of it. Maybe. The one thing that I am very sure of is that I will continue to write whenever the spirit moves me to. I am grateful for the reminder today. I might even take some more time to digest and articulate how much of an impact that this milestone has on me but for now, I am just going to share a few ‘facts’ and get on with my day.

 

– la

after the music

 

more photos from the weekend here: https://flic.kr/s/aHskAa1K9X

 

Over the weekend, I was one of about 150 volunteers who helped to cultivate the Home County Music and Art Festival in Victoria Park, London, Ontario. I sit on the board and have been working with an amazing team of individuals all year to get everything ready for the three day festival. Now that the weekend is over, and I have had a good solid 12 hours of uninterrupted sleep, I can sit down and look back (and appreciate) everything that we accomplished. In a week or so we will get together as a team to go over some of the finer details of what we could improve upon next year etc, but for now, I am happy to sit in reflection.

While I spent a great deal of the weekend in the admin trailer working, I did have the honour of announcing a few musicians and workshops over the course of the weekend. Being asked to introduce Lindy Vopnfjörð who performed between The Kramdens and The Sadies on Friday night was a treat. The humor was not lost on me being paired with Lindy. I am 5′ 3 1/2″ and he is 10 feet tall. My oldest commented afterwards that I looked especially tiny on stage. I bet I did! I also was lucky enough to introduce the Music in Folk workshop with John Wort Hannam, David Francey and Scallywag on Sunday afternoon. The joy for me was not so much being on stage but to have the opportunity to meet everyone, chat briefly and most of all listen to them perform. I was thankful that I managed not to trip on any cords while doing my job, and that I could retreat to the trailer afterwards! One moment I will never forget was joining everyone onstage at the end of the festival for the finale. The one time being the short one actually paid off and I found myself front and center.

I will admit my favorite time spent at the festival, outside of working, was wander listening with my camera. The festival always rekindles my love of live music, and reminds me over and over again that there is just no way to replace the experience of standing next to a stage with musicians from three different bands who all just decide to jam together over Neil Young. Amazing. The Kramdens, Twin Fin and Elliott Brood came together for the Folk ‘n Roll workshop and just killed it. There are a lot of memorable moments from Home County over the years, and that workshop will definitely go down as one of the top ones.

Thank you goes out to all of the volunteers and musicians who made the magic happen this weekend. As I start now to prepare for surgery at the end of next month, I will look back on Home County this weekend with great fondness and fill my recovery with music that I was able to scoop up at the Merch tent!