walking through the lotus ponds

Today, I went for a short walk with my daughter in one of my favorite parks (Waterworks Park in St. Thomas). It was relatively quiet there – given that it is a holiday weekend, I was afraid that there might be a large number of people with the same idea … but luck was on my side. I am struggling with the death of my mother last week – and spending time walking through the lotus ponds helped to bring some moments of peace for me.

My mother lost her battle with cancer last Thursday, July 22nd. I stood at her bedside with my sister, and we held her hand together as she passed. It was a very sad and beautiful moment to share with my uncle and other family and friends who had come to stay with her on her last day. The funeral was this past Thursday. I stood for the family and paid tribute to my mother’s life – something that she asked me to do as one of her last requests. I was not certain that I would be able to read what I had written, but I prayed for strength (and several others prayed for me too which helped) and I was able to share. I am glad that I was able to do that for her. I hope that she was proud.

Now, as the intense emotions of past week are lessening, I am not busy each day with preparations for her funeral or going through her effects… grief and sadness have arrived in full force, and I am sitting with both of them openly. How can I not?

I have not written anything, other than my mother’s eulogy, in the past week or so. I don’t know if I can write anything more than this note now. The words will come again. Right now, I cannot erase certain images from my mind, and they are weighing heavily on me. Walking through the lotus ponds today, I hope I have found other images to soften the ones stuck in my mind.

taking each day one at a time.

– la


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