I am aware


I am aware
of this journey of skin
its curves and rolls
in right places
in wrong
how other eyes defined
filled cups of distain
to sustain me
through the years

I am aware
of this journey of skin
of not being enough
to satisfy
or qualify
how that bore
craters within me
that no amount of tears
could fill

I am aware
of this journey of skin
now a little less on one side
too much on other sides
the pain of recovery
wounds still fresh
unhealed in their age
scabs picked at
they may still take years
of kindness
to balance

I am aware
of this journey of skin
and the words I should hear
store in my heart
let grow from small, precious seeds
watered not with fear
not with sadness
not with hate
not with disgust
just love and care
if I let myself
just this once


I didn’t ask you

Day 13

I didn’t ask you
for proof of life
no song no heartbeat
no smile no touch
I asked for nothing
and in that moment
you gave it to me
a cup of dust
the wind caught it
at the end
I held an empty cup
never to fill again

I didn’t ask you
for love
no thought no kindness
no kiss no flame
I asked for nothing
and in that moment
you gave it to me
a cup of dust
the wind caught it
at the end
I held an empty cup
never to fill again

I didn’t ask you
I didn’t know
I had to
I asked for nothing
and in that moment
asked for everything
a song
a heartbeat
a smile
a touch
a thought
a kindness
a kiss
a flame
because I loved you
just the same



Time held its breath today

Day 11

time held its breath today
and I was lost in between
somewhere beyond
the ragged edge of being
not watching
barely still
in my skin
while I struggled
to find the surface
the universe became bigger
a photograph
to show an ancient past
outside of what was known
only moments before
as imagination
while I drowned in space
unable to grasp
the smallest point
to right myself
still reaching
the world fought itself
people traded in lies
the innocent voices
while I sat
cherry blossoms unfolded
in the mountain’s shadow


making space

Day 9

making space
for myself
carving it out
of the stone walls
I build around myself
out of protection
out of love
water wearing
tears on granite
on rose quartz
on sand
curled along
woven into

making space
for my soul
it has grown
beyond the house
travelling like summer
on a breeze through
the screen door
open windows
under eves
over porch steps
up cellar stairs
out over the garden
and down

making space
to breathe
where the sky
meets the trees
find me there
among the roots
like sap rising
to budding leaves
like wind under down
lifted in flight
like morning slipping
through pine boughs
to greet

making space
to be



Day 8

but still
kinda far
for a decade
stars shift
in the sky
each new season
we are
in the night
a way to reach out
when it becomes
too hard to breathe
live without
we live within
like the sun
the moon
at dawn


The moon is heavy

Day 7

The moon is heavy
Frost glass orb
Balanced in the darkness
In my palm

I saw my heart there
Through the window
Reflected in the soft glow
Not quite as whole

I pulled the blankets closer
Against the chill
Closed tired eyes
Invited sleep
To come join me
If it would
One more time
Head pressed
Thoughts lost in the nothing
Night offers
When words cannot
Break the case
And fly


#poetry #napowrimo2019

Vigilant watchman

Day 6

vigilant watchman
at the corner
the street bare
in all directions
spared by the morning sun

a stray wanders
crisscrossing through
the shadows
windows still closed
to the night air
or the warm spring breeze
after a long winter

she sits in the ray
where the walls meet
face turned towards
the light


#poetry #napowrimo2019

sitting in semi-darkness

Day 5

Sitting in semi-darkness
While they sleep
Intravenous drips
‘It is cold going into my hand”
Yes and the needle will leave a bruise
Beyond the door
People come and go
With their sickness and pain
I chat with the nurse
While she finished with the line
Stories of past visits
Other patients who had
Unique accidents
Humour draped in absurd
Sometimes you have look for it
Sometimes the levity is the best medicine
I read Japanese
While they rest
My mind wanders
Past the florescent light
Past the soft, reassuring voice of the doctor doing rounds
Past the waiting room
Filled to capacity
We wait for the meds
To work
The first tale is about
A dragon waiting for a warrior
Brave enough
To kill a centipede
Who terrorizes his family
One day a man sees the dragon
And is not afraid
He doesn’t run away to hide
He listens to the dragon’s request
They hear the giant insect
Coming closer
The brave man shoots twice
Both arrows fall away
Then he remembers something
He learned a long time ago
He licks his last arrow
and lets it fly
Dead center shot
Into the head
The dragon gives him gifts
To thank him for saving his family
A pot always filled with food
And other treasures
The man always humble has
Just what he needs
to be comfortable and live
I ask if the meds are working
Not yet
The cocktail has not finished
Its journey
The arrow will find its way
Just need to be patient

#napowrimo2019 #poetry

I read the long shadows

Day 4

I read the long shadows
here as I bathe
in the deep forest air
like cards spread out
along fallen trees and soft moss
what does the spring breeze
carry to me
as the sun plays in the canopy?
a message of hope?
of love?
of healing?
a warning?
the ants do not care
busying themselves
with their work
walking well traveled pathways
the fish do not care
busying themselves
swimming in the current
after the melt
looking for food on the surface
the crows care
watching from the highest limbs
hopping from branch to branch
calling to each other
what do you tell me
in this quiet moment?
I breathe
I walk
I wonder
what the trees know