I didn’t intend to have a conversation with the crit ick today, but after this morning’s outburst, I thought it was best if we sat down and hashed a few things out. This is an excerpt from our conversation. It will seem a little one sided at times, but, please bear with me. There was a lot that needed to be brought out into the open, not the least of which the asking of one very important question. I have been warned that I have not heard the last from the crit ick, but I am sure, after reading this, you will understand that I am more than prepared to have another conversation, or perhaps a third or fourth, depending on what is necessary.
crit ick: You do know that time is ticking?
me: well, yes, that is usually how time goes now doesn’t it. After 60 seconds, one minute moves onto the next. What’s your point?
crit ick: You have less than 72 hours to get the story finished and formatted so you can send it in.
me: * rolls eyes * .. yes I know.
crit ick: But you are just sitting there, not doing anything.
me: I am not just sitting here doing nothing. I am working. You know the whole 9 to 5 thing that you always seem to forget that I do.
crit ick: you work 8 to 4.
me: not the point. I am working. I have work to do.
crit ick: but the story….
me: is done already.
crit ick: what do you mean it’s done. I haven’t seen it.
me: of course you have.
crit ick: no I haven’t. I have only seen the unfinished story. you know with all the mistakes in it, and the boring descriptions, the lame conversations…
me: you saw the finished one but then you went to sleep and I kept working on it.
crit ick: when?
me: remember when you lay down on the sofa?
crit ick: no I didn’t.I’m not that lazy.
me: pfffft
crit ick: what was that?
me: nothing, just extra air in my mouth.
crit ick: why didn’t you let me see the final draft?
me: you didn’t need to see it.
crit ick: oh yes I did. what if it was total crap and you sent it out – what are people going to think?
me: I don’t care.
crit ick: bullsh*t.
me: it’s ok you know, you can say shit without leaving the i off. People don’t care.
crit ick: I care.
me: whatever.
crit ick: ok so … you sent it off, what now?
me: what do you mean?
crit ick: well what are you going to do next?
me: nothing
crit ick: bullshit.
me: *laughs* no no it’s not. I am going to do nothing. I am giving up.
crit ick: *stares*… giving up ?
me: yep.
crit ick: what do you mean, giving up? you can’t give up. you have so much shit stored up in that head of yours, you have to keep writing and get rid of it. So much from the past is weighing you down, making you sick, making you sad, making you angry, making you suffer. giving up. That’s the coward’s out.
me: nah.
crit ick: what do you mean ‘nah’? what does that mean?
me: relax.
crit ick: don’t tell me to relax little missy. you give me an answer right now or I ….
me: or you’ll what?
crit ick: I don’t know but I will think of something!
me: look, before you get yourself tied in a knot this is what I am doing… I am giving up my story.
crit ick: whahhh? you CAN’T do that!
me: why not? who says I can’t?
crit ick: ME for one. You can’t just give up your story. It’s YOUR story! you know the one that people need to hear… it’s who you are, your story defines you, makes you who you are, holds you…. it’s a story that you need to share, that you need to let go of … oh shit.
me: AH HA! – so you DO understand.
crit ick: shut up.
~
stay tuned… more to come.
lei fraser 