conversations with the crit ick {part 1b}

….. part 1b
me: Did you know that up until today I have been referring to what you do rather than to you directly?
crit ick: huh?
me: sorry let me use small words so I don’t confuse you.
crit ick: ….
me: Instead of calling you by your proper name, I have been focused on what you do instead.
crit ick:….. huh?
me: I have been calling you crit eek always.
crit ick: so?
me: nevermind.
crit ick: well I have been thinking about your whole stupid idea to give up YOUR story.
me: it’s not a stupid idea
crit ick: yes, it is. I thought at first that you meant you were going to give up writing period again. You know, like you thought you might at the beginning of the year…
me: no, I didn’t say I was going to give up writing.
crit ick: you kinda did.
me: no, just am going to give up my story. you do know what story I am talking about right?
crit ick: well d’uh yes, I get it now. so you’re over the “oh what’s the point of writing” woe is me crap?
me: ah… yeah. for now.
crit ick: I told you not to worry.
me: no you didn’t. you were the one who told me there was no point writing, especially when it was like chewing old pennies.
crit ick: I think I used the term “chewing glass”
me: you mean stole the term
crit ick: stole, borrowed whatever. It’s a good way to explain how it felt to hear your constant belly aching about it.
me: my belly aching??
crit ick: yeah. *shakes head*
me: anyway, explain to me what you think giving up my story involves.
crit ick: that’s easy. you are just going to make up a new story.
me: uh no. that WOULD be pointless.
crit ick: then what?
me: I am giving up the story, my story, my idea of what my story is…and the story of who I am, my past, everything that came before right now.
crit ick: you mean like now now right now, this very second?
me: you are a bit stupid aren’t you…
crit ick: shut up. I am not stupid. if you do that, then that means you are going to give up everything??
me: uh yah.
crit ick: everything everything????
me: ah yeah. I have to in order to start an entirely new story.
crit ick: but you just said…
me: well it’s going to be more like a non-story.
crit ick: that doesn’t make any sense.
me: sure it does. most of what my story consists of now – the one that I have been living and reliving – was based in fear.
crit ick: well fear is good. it movtivates.
me: sure, but it also is like carrying around 100 lb weights on either leg, arm, and around my neck too. I can carry it around but it doesn’t have to be like that.
crit ick: some would consider that sexy.
me: ah no they wouldn’t.
crit ick: sure…. makes you strong, whatever.
me: no. you’re an idiot.
crit ick: hey there is no reason to call me names.
me: yeah you have NEVER called me a name or ten in all the years you’ve been hanging around…
crit ick: oh c’mon it’s all been constructive criticism.
me: sure, the kind that destroys, breaks me down so you can rebuild on sand?
crit ick: oh god, more belly aching.
me: yeah no. you are off topic. I am giving up the story because YOU are a pain in the ass and I am tired of hearing you natter in my ear.
crit ick: but who is going to be the cautionary yin to your wild I’m going for it yang?? You need to have balance.
me: I do already. it doesn’t come from you, in case you are wondering. I don’t rely on you to do the things that I do… so why should I let you decide anything?
crit ick: oh my god you are boring. I don’t want to talk to you any more today.
me: okee dokee.

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