lei fraser

all I can do is sit and write,
let the words flow through me
it seems that they are empty and elusive
they don’t meet the measure
to what is within my heart
but i cannot deny this pull
to express in some way
however fleeting…
in the stillness I can feel you
when fear and doubt are laid to rest
I see myself in you
with your compassion and kindness
the well of love that is your soul
I want to reach out and hold you
to feel you standing there before me
I don’t want to know life without you
it would the sun be without a sky
or a bird without the wings to fly
without you there with me
I would be lost in the endless sea
sounds cliché I know…
but the truth is you are my anchor
while chaos reigns around me
you are the calm I need to remind me
that I am everything now I need to be
my love you are the mirror
I can see me in your eyes
I am free in your eyes
I am me in your eyes
I am me
there is a freedom with you
that I have never felt before
you accept me for who I am
not who you want me to be
when the love overwhelms me
and I feel I am running
you quietly take my hand
and remind me that I am already
where I am supposed to be
I want to be lost in this simplicity
I can feel my wings unfolding
and it feels to me that the letting go
is in the flowing
I can’t kid you
you mean everything to me
I realize that I have been fighting
I see it now.. like shadowboxing
and being knocked down
by my own reflection
my own illumination
and from this new perspective
flat on my back on the ground
I see the world differently
fear sprawled beside me
and doubt scrambling to help it stand again
instead I will stand,,
leave them to wrestle in the dust
while I
let the angel fly
~

trail of stars sprawled
across the sky tonight
they dance on my extended palm
their gentle light falls toward me
the distance removed
with the closing of my eyes

~

the distance
makes me ache
artificial separation
that slips in and cuts
like a razor
leaving me bleeding
on the floor of my own mind
i don’t reach out often enough
fear gets me and ties me down
i want to tell you to wake up
to tell you this life is opportunity
to love, to give, to heal
i want to hold you,
hear your dreams, your hopes, your fears
every day, the sun grows in the sky
i say to you ( though you do not hear me it seems)
i love you
not because you are my blood
not because you are my air
not because you are my everything
but because you are.

~

violets and forget-me-nots
sit in a careless collection
in the vase on the window sill
sunlight is fractured and scattered
as it falls through the water
stems, leaves, blossoms
cut out at awkard angles
shaped by the sloping glass sides of the vase
i wonder if i saw this
for the very first time
would i stop and question
if the flowers were so disjointed, incomplete
without the water to hold them or the glass?

~

I miss the sun today,
the clouds have moved in
and taken over
the horizon…
the piercing cold of the wind
is the slap I need in the face
to keep the door closed, locked
and every piece of furniture
against its back
while I sit at the window
peering through the blinds
waiting….

~

rain clatters
against the glass
muted caucophony
from within
i sit reflecting
another day
folds like melted wax
upon itself
sun has set
veiled by cloud
beyond my sight
assured slumber
i thought to sleep
in your hand
curled against
your open palm
to rest for a
moment’s lifetime
and then the rumor of a smile
brushes across my lips
light dim
and i close
my eyes

~

the garden is quiet in early morning
birds settled still with folded wing
morning glory stretches to catch the light
in its transparent painted palm
grasses leave silver trails
against my dress
as i pass to greet you
as i have done before
the pool among the stones is calm
even the fish hold
wrapped in watery arms
and words are stayed in my throat
i stand to hear the song of your heart
however the words and stories are woven
however the dew rolls off the rose
this friendship, dear one, simply is
just as the sun raises its head each day
i sit beside you and listen
while this moment begins

~

what remains unsaid, my love
within the walls of this heart
not the strangled, maniacal pleas
that trap the arms, pinned down –
demanding… Love me! Complete me!
Set me free!
where is the freedom in this?
when the white dove batters unknowingly
against the filigree bars
slight enough to be entangled
and yet enraged at this caged injustice
it is in the silent unfolding of a paper wing
extended with graceful deliggght
in these wide arms do we walk,
Entwined, Whole, Embraced
and as my happiness has found its place
to wander from
you have been just as you are,
an endless flight in a cloudless sky
found when my hand holds yours

~

Whisper of a prayer
Falls of me
Eyes closed tightly
I feel I am moving
Though I know I am standing still
The rumor of a smile consumes me
Expected glance shatters me
Like a stone meeting glass
With the briefest kiss
As I sit amongst the shards
Bleeding from the bits of glass
I missed cleaning up
I think that I only want to hear your voice
If only,
As a drop trickles down my palm
Where is the grace in dying this way
Ears empty, heart torn
The flicker of light dancing
Along the white tiles draws my sight
Away from the ruby splash beside me
Pulling me away from the knotted pain
To brilliant clarity
That for a small brief moment, I thought
The pain could cure me of an ache
So deep within my chest
And no, the tears, not of sorry, but joy
Rinse all that was spilled away

~

beyond these words i long to stretch
and reach out of what i thought could be
shake off the darkly laden doubt,
that keeps me stayed
and spread wide my eyes to truly see
to feel the breath of this love
gently pass across my skin
and kiss the air about me
may this moment never find its close
and let me stand encircled by you
for all eternity
~

hand on the doorway
ready to run again
walk out of this skin
to let it all fall away
shed, forgotten
here you stop me
pull each toe back through
make me sit down
and breathe
the one thing i forgot to do
so i sit listening to the roses bloom
and the storm being born on the horizon
what was i running from again?
how long until my soul gets it rights
~

crescent moon
through bowed branches
light bathes me
flows through me
gentle healing
long weary day falls away
listen to her reflection
dancing in the water
gentle hands sweep
the cool shore
while a quiet breeze
stirs the leaves
only enough to carry
the sleeping melody of a dove
and to lay my head down
to rest
~