lei fraser

Just one day
To close my eyes and imagine
The sky beyond
Cloudless
Clear
Not just one day
I would fill my arms with them,
Hundreds
to string like pearls on
Wild grasses and flowers
Days touched with sunshine
And warm spring rain
Summer winds and morning dew
I would lay back
Resting my head
Until I passed
Into the night
~

The way I see her
Changes
Reflections in puddles
Tall tree branches still bare of leaves
And a sky still grey after spring storms

I watch her move through the day
Oblivious
She floats through moments
Unaware and wandering
And I cannot reach her

Mirrors along hallway walls
Capture her
Then release
Tiny pieces of her whole
For the world to witness

The way I see her
Changes
Day fades to evening
Pink rooftop sunsets
And dying light

Her shadows blend
With the night
Until I no longer know
Where she ends
And I begin.

Leigh-Anne Fraser 2014

I invited Happiness in today
to sit among the piles of books, magazines
and empty coffee cups
she pushed the clutter
to the floor, a sweeping gesture
to clear enough space
to sit before me
and embrace me as
the sun embraces the earth
with its light
she scolded me then
sternly chastising me
for waiting so long
to open the door
tired of always peeking
through the cracks
and whispering through
the open windows
she pulled out the chaise lounge
set it out beneath the broad arms
of the oak
and sat waiting for me
to get it together enough
to release
the door latch
~

lei fraser

the world is so much bigger
than I make it
eyes sewen shut by fear
by shame
scissors score the strings
thread by thread lid to lash
opens
little windows collected
in long lines across the screen
so that I might just catch
a glimpse
as people run by

I have missed you
your faces, your eyes
your smiles
in the long darkness
under sorrow
I have missed you

I have eaten enough
let twisted words and malice
follow too closely
biting at heels like
hungry wasps and savage dogs

yes, I did turn and kneel down
with care and concern
for the heart deep with in
to a fault
extended not one hand but two
only to be left bleeding
alone

standing now,
I would have done no differently
we are the same red inside
under the wide arms of the same sky
I bear those scars behind me

I am taking not a step
but a leap
holding nothing

I forgive myself
for the mistakes I have made
for the ones I will make
I am a work in progress

I am just me.

the world is so much
now that the heart fog
is clearing
breathing life through me

the world is so much bigger
and I am so much better for it

~ Leigh-Anne Fraser

Will you remember me when I’m gone?
Lines repeated in the shadows
and night alleys of my head
Music turns note by note
My finger can move fast enough
Pen to paper, black to white
Writing what I can’t write

Mist from the river left
the meadow silver in its wake
Parts of me fell behind
Like footprints of deer
In the early morning sun
The sky turned light
Stars fell away
Will you miss me when I’m gone
And you are still making your way?

We walk down different roads
Forests, fields and in between
I am looking at where I’m going
I am looking at where I’ve been

Will you miss me in the moonlight
Or in the trail of a passing firefly?
The heart hopes but I don’t think so
I am just a ripple far past your shore.

In the end there will be stillness
In the end there will be joy
In the end I will walk alone
On my way back home.

I hope you will remember me
In the cool autumn breeze
In the sweet sparrow call
In the water’s winding ease

Will you remember me
When I am gone?
Remember me

~

lei fraser

1.

Tuesday morning drive
Looking for the moon
Sun rises over open fields
Remember the trees and winding roads
A blur as I pass by
Traffic slows in the city
Buildings replace the fields and trees
Sidewalks and light stands
One lane branches to four
And I keep driving

~

2.

I walked down empty corridors
And abandoned hallways
Wandering
Out of fear
I traced the lines
Of closed doors
With my fingertips,
Waiting.
Out of fear I stepped
Into the sunlight to watch
Fairy dust fall over
Pines bowing low
Covered pathways winding
Through roots and stones
Out of fear I breathed
Fresh lake air
Slipped my toes into
The cool sandy shore
And lived for the first time
In a perfect moment
Out of fear I sang
With sparrows sitting
Among the flowers
And danced with the fireflies
Holding your hand
While the moon rose
Over the trees
Out of fear
I am me.

~

3.

lake still breathes
heart beat
in the distance
nightsong wind
through the waves
to low branches
and past moss covered stones

~

4.

Tuesday dressed in Monday’s clothes
wrinkled and worn from the holiday
I miss the curve of your arm
linked through mine
your laughter and soft voice
low against my neck as you hug me
hours drag their heels
reluctant companions
and I push papers across
the melamine in faint hope
some movement will mean
a faster clock
Tuesday, you are unkind
in your falseness
just let me go
I plead in the weakest fashion
through bleary tired eyes
still hoping the day’s end
comes sooner rather than later

~

5.

sorting life
handful of pebbles
found in the sand
forgotten fossils
chrystal shards in granite
treasures for the return

~

6.

light turns around the garden
slow moving lines
I am in shadows and sunshine
reflecting

~

7.

Spider silk and dewdrops
On Sunday morning
Walking down paths
Hushed by rising sun
I wander
Heartlines etch shadows
Along the water’s edge
Wildflowers tiptoe
Around smoothed stones
I listen
I find myself in the scattered song
Of rushing water and sparrows
In the swirls of your palm
Holding my hand
In the petals of lotus drifting
I breathe

~

8.

We are all the same red inside
across the sea of faces
We are, yes we are

My heart beats
in the chest of another
Fingers fly across
looking for the keys
To unlock the soul

What can I tell you
That your feet don’t already know
From walking along the worn dirt paths
Through the mango groves

And fields where the baobob sing
We are all the same red inside

The husk of shells float on warm winds
Leaving the seeds cradled on cloth

I remember the sprout and harvest
The sunshine, the rain
The hoe and rake

I remember
The long walk home
To sit by the fire
And watch the stars come out
In the violet night sky

We are all the same red inside
Working the grow through the mud
Towards the light and better life

We are stronger in knowing
We are together in living
We are one in loving.
We are all the same red inside

Under the wide starry sky
In the deep rich field soil
In the planted seed
Under the warm summer sun

We are all the same.

~

9.

Edges split and worn
Torn, tipped balance
In the center of my palm
Hope falls like stars in August
Disappearing in the shadows
Words stick to the humid air
Lost and unused
Throwing faith out
Into the universe
Like a handful of pebbles into the lake
I listen.
~

going through some old files tonight and came across this piece called ‘toast as universe’ I wrote it in 2003. I am not sure why, but it made me laugh.

Out you flew from the toaster
Transformed by coiled electric heat
Here I am rushing to accommodate you
Without burning my hands on the crust
Spreading carefully to the edges
Crushed peanut paste and raspberry jam
There is honey too but I will save that for
Another morning …
After laying you out on a plate
Winnie the pooh stares at me through the cut
I made to divide you in two….
If I kept the divide – would I always have half of you?
I wonder…
It would be nice if the portly bear would stop to stare
Don’t you think?
Oh I have remembered another poem I wrote
To a peanut butter sandwich ( I will find it somewhere
Hiding in a box perhaps waiting to be shared ones again)
Your old counterpart, not toasted but still a favorite
Bedtime snack (before the universe snatches me away
To spread me out like the same peanut butter here, waiting to be
Digested ….
Someone shouted a little
Asking for that part back that is spread out across
The universe … I think maybe I’ve spread myself too thin
to return sometimes …
It seems I have scraped the last of the jar
and laid the contents out in front of everything
in nothing I find myself ( emptiness )
once again….
back to you toast, sir, waiting so calmly here
soon consumed you will be there still, in my belly,
in crumbs across my chin and all over the counter
(I am such a dainty lady)
Recycled there is no loss of your existence
Or mine for that matter
Returning is no effort
It just is.
~

You smiled
And I understood
The way the breeze folds the sheets
Hanging in the sunshine to dry
The sand ripples after the wind
Has rolled over the beach during summer rain
The faint smell of lavender and rose
When I walk through the garden
The rustle of music through night air
As I walk home
The click and whirr of the clock
On the living room wall
The way morning catches my breath
And heartbeat at once with the sunrise
The way and everything that trails behind,
I understood
When you smiled.

~

leigh-anne fraser