excerpt from ‘Charlie Rivers’

from Charlie Rivers

by Leigh-Anne Tyson © 2010

Charlie stood on the porch and flicked his cigarette. It floated through the air, turning slowly. The way it fell looked like a scene from the movies, thought Charlie, when the cigarette would land in a pool of gasoline, and light it. Then the flame would shoot across the parking lot and everything would end in a big explosion. Charlie heard the sizzle as the cigarette sunk deeper into the puddle it landed in. Charlie lifted himself up off the porch railing and stepped off onto the gravel path. The stones crunched under his boots. It was still raining. He looked out across the lawn. His old Chevette sat in the driveway, sad and grey. Mr. Timkin’s mutt pressed his face against the chain link fence that separated their yards from each other. The dog never barked, only stared at Charlie whenever he came out to porch to sneak a cigarette. Black eyes following but never moving. Charlie ignored the dog and walked to his car.

The inside of the car smelled like feet. Charlie looked over his shoulder at the backseat. He had crammed everything he could into it. He didn’t own a suitcase. His clothes were stuffed in old pillowcases. Books and his collection of cassette tapes were stacked in old milk crates. Charlie saw where there was a rip in one of them and his work socks stuck out like puss from a zit. He didn’t bother to shove it back in. Charlie rolled down the window to let the fresh spring air in, in spite of the rain. He slammed the car door shut. The car engine revved and he reversed out of the driveway. Charlie didn’t look at the house in the rearview mirror as the car limped down the street. He didn’t need to see the empty windows, black in the rain. Charlie left them sleeping and unaware. He slowly turned the corner at the end of the street, and Charlie  knew that damn dog was still staring at him.
~

take this

Take this
blade from my hands
Balanced steel along the finest edge
As careful as possible
Yet blood is drawn
On a moonless night –
is it too dark to see
The flame within?
Not even the questions live long
Before they crash with everything else
To the earth
This is –
It is not me
shattered,
The shell,
the walls,
the glass,
the untruthful truths

Now in ruins
Lolling in the dust
I watch the droplet well and spill
To form a stream to the lowest point
Like water flows to the sea
What of your sisters blood,
that dance
Along the polished face
Held now at my eyes
Turn and leap
Into the nothingness
like the rest
Or let me taste you once
Like a warm sweet kiss of life
Before disappearing
It is the blade that cuts through
Superfluous layers
And the core simply
Waits
To overflow
doves have buried their heads
Under their wings in deeper shadows
It is only the sound my breathing
Quickening to
The rhythm of withdrawl
Like silk now between fingertip and thumb
I look to see where the print can be left
Indelible, forbidden
Dressed in the dark clothes of
Now while the world sleeps
You blood and blade united – the oath
Unbroken in this bond
Not even time undoes the knot
Where do you go tiny droplet, stream
To your ocean?
May I come with you…
~
21.07.06
Leigh Tyson

skimming

Morning light
Golden in the haze
Of summer heat
Life inspite of that
Undoes the cord
While I sit among the flowers
Growing wider
To greet the sun
Drinking my tea

~

I have been thinking about the concept of skimming. It is something that I have been thinking about on and off for a couple of months now. Skimming seems to be the approach that the majority of us have taken to living each day. Instead of taking the necessary time to read a book, or a newspaper, or have a conversation with someone and truly listen, or any other number of activities that require patience and time to do them, we skim through – picking out only what grabs us, taking that for complete knowledge before rushing off into the world to work or play. It is a concept that is echoed in Malcolm Gladwell’s book Blink – the idea that we can know instantly about something/ anything, in a blink of an eye. Instant knowledge, intuition, that can be trusted implicitly to be correct – but only if we have a solid foundation of understanding and “knowing” behind it. I think somewhere along the line, most of us have missed that part.

How much life is missed by skimming? Too much. Critical information is easily missed or taken out of context. I know this – because I am guilty of skimming, of being in too much of a rush, of being unable to find the balance that I needed to be centred – to be still long enough to deeply absorb what was being said. Skimming indicates a lack of presence – where I am no longer giving me complete attention to something – but instead have one foot of my brain in at least one other place. Thinking too much. Skimming requires a certain amount of arrogance – when humility is the key. It builds up a false sense of security – of “knowing” what is going on but never having truly walked through life feeling every blade of grass beneath your bare feet, or feeling every subtle breeze along soft curves of your arm or hearing every note of the most beautiful sparrow song….. My thought for today is to live a skimless day.

la

unsent letters

unsent letters
after months of silence
sit in sunshine –
unfinished
some torn and defeated,
tear stained and folded
worn creases
and open envelope
holding the past –
the present
in my hands
like a prayer
i am holding
my breath too long
unable to see
to collect each grain
and let just
one letter end
begin the new one
let the words unroll
beneath my fingers
let my heart
speak
without the strangle hold
of emotion
but still not even part way
i am mute again
overwhelmed
unmended
waiting only
to try again

~

23.05.06
Leigh-Anne Tyson

from shadows

from the shadows
there I am not hiding
exactly
just sitting on the edge
of light
watching
no the music is not mine
while it echoes the present tune
and the light plays across my hands
showing the lines and scars
and curves
of my fingers
almost transparent it seems
in this strong light
the shadow unfolds itself
on the pages of a magazine
there is nothing left tonight
to deconstruct
i am all in pieces
undone and undone again
even the reflections are dark
but not without the glimmer
of a smile thought forgotten
no, not forgotten just lost
lost in the sea of tears
and broken hearts
not looking to be mended
no, just sitting in the shadows
enjoying night’s company
while the tea in my cup
grows colder
the longer I wait to drink it

~

23.05.06
Leigh-Anne Tyson

excerpt ~ Birds and Invented Cages

day 10

It was two o’clock in the morning.  Bruce didn’t know where John had gone. Steve took off around midnight saying something about his wife. Bruce didn’t care about anything. He had no ride but he didn’t care about that either. He had all the time in the world to walk back to his parents house. It was only temporary. That’s what he told them when they picked him up at the bus stop. Shelley had dumped him in Vegas, left him on his own in the city of sin and sin he did. When he called his folks, he lied and said he’d been mugged. Everything had been stolen, his credit cards, his cash, his car everything. They didn’t question him. They never did when he called. They wired him enough cash to get on the Greyhound and three days later he arrived in Ottawa. Bruce’s dad picked him up. He didn’t say much. Bruce figured he was either pissed that he’d come home or pissed that he’d let himself be mugged. Either way, Bruce didn’t care. He needed a place to crash. He needed time to patch things up with Lila.

Bruce stumbled through the street behind the strip club. He hoped to catch Carlene before she headed home. There were some guys he didn’t recognize hanging around the stage door.

“Hey guys what’s happening?” Bruce said. He was trying to see what was going on. They ignored him, or didn’t hear him. Bruce was drunk, but he recognized a drug deal when he saw one. He took a step back, not wanting to be mistaken for someone he wasn’t. One of the guys turned and looked at Bruce. He sneered and nudged one of his buddies beside him. Bruce stood his ground, feeling braver than he should have. He swayed.

“What the hell do you want asshole?” one of the other guys said. His voice was thick and menacing. Bruce peered at his face in the shadow of the backdoor light. He didn’t recognize him either. The guy’s black eyes gave Bruce chills. Bruce stepped back when he saw a fourth guy step forward holding a long hunting knife. Before he could turn and run, the back door suddenly burst open and a gaggle of girls spilled out, including Carlene. Bruce brightened and called her name. Carlene looked around for who was calling her, and saw that it was Bruce. She frowned and walked over to the big guy with the knife.

“you know that guy?” he asked Carlene, nodding to Bruce. Carlene sniffed and then made a show of slipping her tongue into the guy’s mouth. Bruce couldn’t help himself, he licked his lips too.

“Yeah, he’s a loser, just ignore him. Let’s go baby, I missed you” Carlene said. “Get lost Bruce. Things have changed a lot here. It ain’t the way it was. You better watch yourself” She said it as if she was doing Bruce a favour. He said nothing. Stupid bitch, she had no idea how things had changed. They left Bruce standing alone by the rotting garbage. He wanted a fight that he could win. When the thugs were out of sight, Bruce kicked one of the cans. He yelled after he did and then stalked back into the shadows on the alley way to find his prey. Bruce turned the corner and walked into the hulking mass that Carlene had been tongue wrestling with.

“Don’t fucking look at her again, asshole.” The guy growled. Before Bruce could get his bearings, the guy sucker punched him in the gut. Bruce dropped like a stone on the asphalt. He curled up into a ball and tried to protect his head, his face. Each kick from the thugs motorcycle boots sent fire like white lightning through Bruce’s body. He felt his nose break, then his ribs broke in so many places he couldn’t identify where it hurt more. Bruce passed out before they finished with him. He was beyond the point of caring whether or not he woke up.
~

A light snow had fallen overnight. It had been an unusually warm December, and it was the first snowfall that stayed. The pure white flakes blanketed the town, hiding the concrete sidewalks and asphalt streets, the garbage filled alley ways and parks. Only the trees stood bare and untouched by the new snow. Their long black wet limbs raked at the sky, unwilling to give up their place. They stood unmoved by the season while everything else remained temporarily hidden. As the sun poked its head over the horizon, the tiny flakes of ice started to melt.

A ring of pinkish snow surrounded Bruce’s body. He lay in the alley barely breathing, and unconscious. The strip club thugs had left him for dead after they took turns kicking Bruce and beating him to a bloody pulp.

“He doesn’t look so good.” a voice said.

“No man, he looks dead.” Said another voice.

“what we gonna do?” said a third. Three boys stood over Bruce. They were young, ten years old. Kevin, Craig and Corey. The three c’s. That was how everyone knew them. Corey touched Bruce’s shoulder with a stick. Bruce didn’t move and didn’t make a sound.

“Oh man Kevin, I think this guy’s dead.” He said. His voice quivered. He was not as brave as the other two. He couldn’t stand the sight of blood or the smell of dead stuff. He was glad that it was cold at least and he couldn’t smell the dude lying in the alley behind Lolly’s.

“How are we going to tell anyone where he is?” Kevin asked. He was always thinking about things like that, thinking about how not to get into trouble. “We’re not supposed to be walking back here remember?” The other boys nodded vigorously.

“Maybe he will wake up.” Craig offered. He prayed that the man would. The guy’s face was totally bashed in. Kevin shook his head solemnly.

“I don’t know man, I am sure that he won’t. He looks pretty dead to me.” He said. Kevin took the stick from Corey and poked the guy in the back. This time, Bruce moaned. It wasn’t a full moan, more like a whimper.

“Oh shit!” Kevin said and jumped back. “Come on, let’s get out of here. The dead guy’s moving.” The three boys ran down the alley and rounded the corner out of sight again. Bruce didn’t move. The wind picked up as the sun climbed higher in the sky. No one came by the strip club on Sunday morning. Not even the squirrels were interested that Bruce lay dying in the street.
~

excerpt ~ complicated kindness

…new assignment – write a paragraph that is the start of a novel, inspired after picking 7 books off your bookshelf and reading the titles, then writing with the title that pulls you the most – from Sandra and Deena Metzer. It was a tough one for me!

la

~

Neva rushed to catch the door of the apartment building before it swung shut and left her locked out in the street. She shivered as she shook off the slush and snow that had piled quickly onto her shoulders and hair. It was a two minute walk from the subway, but the winter was fierce this year. It was snowing furiously outside, and she was glad to not be out in it any longer. She bent down to adjust her knee-high leather boots and turned her head to look down the hallway to the elevator. The band of golden light was moving to a thin sliver.

“Shit” Neva said out loud. “Hold the door!” She called out and hurried down the tiled marble floor. Her heel s clacked and clicked, echoing against the bare walls. The elevator door continued to close, uninterrupted until the last possible moment, when a gloved hand suddenly shot out to keep it from closing completely. The door relented and slid back open with barely a whisper of protest. Neva rushed in, consumed by the gold interior light.

“Thanks” she said. She was breathless, and leaned back against the wall. Snowflakes melted against her skin. Neva touched her face absently. She glanced out into the empty hallway before the elevator door closed and then turned to see who it was that held the door for her. Her flirty smile froze on her lips, and the colour drained from her cheeks. The last thing she saw was the flash of white light, then the elevator was plunged into darkness.
~

to you

to the stream
life is called
billowing veils of
gold and lavender
wrapped around us
i would lay you down
in the soft grass nearby
where the iris drop
their heads in the breeze
so that you may sleep
in the afternoon sunlight
to the lullaby of
passing water
thank you catches in my throat
thank you to the warm sunrays
the fresh spring winds and golden fish
who carry hearts forward to your feet
just for you, they gather here
let the world heal you
and carry you forward
dear one
now that you may rest

~

01.06.06
Leigh-Anne Tyson

complicated kindness

I – this word
provides a
complicated kindness
each thought
beginning
ending
here
untouched
watching
waiting
one foot forward
as though to move
but holding the doorframe
with white knuckles

I, give way
to the fresh breeze
undo the grip
open heart
renewed
not only that
let the faces
turned toward the sun
soak in these
warm and caring rays

lay down I
or just drop wherever
you may fall
because now
it is just time
to let go

~

02.06.06
Leigh-Anne Tyson

return

I have been away
from this shell and its familiar curves
turning around in circles
spiral outward
reaching through empty doorways
half opened windows
beckoning begging
I have been away
reaching the shore
through clear water
walking in the rain
quiet evening in the woods
sitting late in the moonlight
and laying in the sunlight
to watch the hawks flying overhead
in low and long lazy circles
drawing me homeward
to fill the doorways
with my body
the windows with my eyes
the laughter and love
through the hallways
and beyond to the skies

I have been away
waiting to return

~

06.06.06
Leigh-Anne Tyson