Soul Conversations – The Secret Garden

I

Night came quickly to the garden tonight. I sat at the long dining table under the floral chandelier, surrounded by fairy lights and candles. The sunset reflected in the mirrors on the far wall, my head filled with poetry.

Cardinal flying
Calling out to his love
Erratic red blur
~

Water falls in darkness
Unseen voice in constant rhythm
Falling endlessly over itself
Crickets sing to each other
From the low grasses
And hidden branches
Calling to the fireflies and sleeping doves

Each summer for a decade I have sat here
In the arms of this secret garden,
Among the flowers and vines
Listening to these songs
The stones and trees tell stories
In the dappled morning light
After spending the light listening

I have been drifting in half light
Half life
The garden has grown, changed
And so have I
~

II

Water falls like a curtain
Kisses repeated like applause
The garden breathes a long with stone pathways
I have grown here among the moss and pebbles
A decade of growth laid out
In added lines and sinking curves
My reflection seen in quiet fountains
Waiting for the water to leap and play
Against the concrete bowls
Seen in the flowers spilling from their pots
Statues unmoved, stand
There is no applause for me
~

Has it been too long that I have been sad? Maybe yes. There are reasons, maybe good ones. The movement interrupted, restarted like a broken heart receiving thumping compressions. I carried on through the pain and tears. Moved through the veil of minutes, from one thing to the next until the minutes crashed into months. Paralyzing fear danced at the foot of my bed. There is no wrong way, no good time, no turning back. Can’t rush a flower to bloom. You can try, but it will still bloom only when it is ready to.
~

Heart whispers to the misted shadows
To the unturned leaves and gentle breezes
Show me the way along this unknown path
Wander with me over the stones
Take my hand
Heal the empty wounds
With your light, your care
Even the sunlight this morning
Comes with the sweet touch of bird song
To rest with the seeker
While the world retreats
To root and bloom
~

Through the roof canopy
Virginia creeps
Winding through soft sunlight
even softer shadows
Above dusted pink roses
And coral hibiscus
Behind the gauze curtains and gold candlelight
Oh heart, meet me there.

III

The garden smiles
On a grey Sunday morning
I sit still and breathe

~

Rain drums a constant beat
On the window
Marking the trees
In long dark trunklines
Finches huddle under
Protective curled leaves
Fuchsia blooms turn to drink
Reflected in mirrors
Lanterns and empty birdcages
Dance with emerald vines
I lay down among the pebbles
To let the water nourish me too
Let the soil rise up
Let my limbs mingle with other roots
Let me disappear
Thoughts melt with the rain
Dissolving
The garden breathes
I breathe
~

IV

Journey home alone
Life reflected in a drop
Balanced on a leaf
~

©2010 Leigh-Anne Fraser-Tyson

Soul Conversations IV ~ through the fog

IV

early morning fog holds the curves
of the trees and fields
the road turns, loping ahead of me
down under the stone bridge to the highway
there is comfort in the billowing half-light
details are blurred and softened
fences and sleeping doves
ponies and creeks
hawks and telephone wires
stones and church steeples
neighbours and stop signs
hard lines drawn by shadows and sunlight
erased by a gentle misted hand
breath let go after long being held
stillness assures the moment’s presence
as I pass through
~

©2010
Leigh-Anne Tyson

Soul Conversations III ~ ants in the sugar bowl

Rail against reality
The shutter ignored after the depression
Of the button
No, I do not want to see
What you see
Do i?
You see like the stars do
Wide like the arms of the sky
I am an ant hiding in the sugar bowl
Seeing what you do
How you do
Is like eating icing sugar and baking soda
Certain death
For ants like me
Though I do hear you
Lean toward sunlight
You whisper to me
Lean dear one reach
The stars are waiting
~
©2010
Leigh-Anne Tyson

Soul Conversations ~ listening, seeing

I am listening

Me: are you?

yes

Me: no you aren’t. you are looking at me through the lens of that Argus. How old is it?

it’s vintage.

Me: no really? How old is it?

52

Me: yes that is old.

I told you

Me: what do you see?

where?

Me: when you look at me?

your boots

Me: my boots? Why are you looking down?

it’s what I do.

Me: I think you are lying.

I can’t lie. I don’t lie.

Me: ok fine, don’t get defensive. Do you really see my boots?

no

Me: I thought you said you did.

I was lying.

Me:that’s not fair.

that’s ok. It’s not meant to be fair.

Me: whatever

do you want to know what else I see?

Me: not really. How can I know that you are telling me the truth?

I don’t know, that’s not my problem.

Me: what do you mean? Not your problem? C’mon you just lied to me. How am I supposed to trust anything that you say now?

I am not asking you to trust me. That’s your problem. Do you want to know what I see?

Me:It’s not my problem. I don’t trust you. Why don’t you take a hike?

Sure I can do that. Just tell me you don’t want to you know what I see.

Me: I don’t want to know.

Are you sure?

Me: Yeah of course I am sure.

~

Soul Conversations ~ beginning with a cup of tea

beginning

Would you like something? The tea here is nice. Green tea, Roobios, Cranberry and Lemon, Earl Grey, White tea, South African Red tea, blueberry tea, peppermint, mango peach, mandarin, Red Rose… my cupboard is
full. Probably I have a couple dozen varieties. Milk, cream, sugar? White,
brown, honey? I made you some cookies. Chocolate chip? Oatmeal? Sugar Cookies?
No? well I will leave the plate here just in case you change your mind.

I haven’t slept much in the past four months. Enough to get by, but not a solid, restful sleep. I had one night, the night that she died. I slept out of exhaustion. I spent my sleep talking with her. You were there, you

know. Are you sure you doing want a cookie? I made them this morning.

Do you mind if I just sit here and say nothing? I don’t know what to say any more. I held her hand, felt life leave her body, felt the shift and the pull as she was released into spirit. She changed forever and so did I.

~

Soul Conversations II

II
into the cracks and crevices
this scattering
to the finest grain of sand

scrabble on all fours
to the darker corners
hooded eyes waiting,
watching
hoping
praying
breathing

hope undone like shoelaces
forgotten in haste
disregarded
as moments play

where did I go?
where did life go?
where did love go?

stillness found
on the cusp of morning
I am left
wondering, talking quietly
with you

the answers are silent
stoic in their patience
nowhere to be found
not to my eyes in their seeking
and so I close them
to just listen to your voice
~

Leigh-Anne Tyson
©2010

Soul Conversations I

I

pricked finger bleeds
like any other
stains and fallen drops
spell out questions
meant to fade into the grains
and sworls of yesterday

billowing clouds fold the sky
sunlight calls
forlorn grey meets shafts of gold
trees sway in time to birdsong

innocently, I stand and watch
a stranger looking in
what may my purpose be otherwise?
in the this sideways existence
I find myself in

the stones cry out
a low rumbling protest
to prick the ears of the clouds
the sky
the sun
the heart in mending juts out
like a mishapened bone
neglected at the break

just a touch of kindness
of care
fingertip to petal
reaching out
said to the breeze
in the light
that is falling
~

 

©2010

walking through the lotus ponds

Today, I went for a short walk with my daughter in one of my favorite parks (Waterworks Park in St. Thomas). It was relatively quiet there – given that it is a holiday weekend, I was afraid that there might be a large number of people with the same idea … but luck was on my side. I am struggling with the death of my mother last week – and spending time walking through the lotus ponds helped to bring some moments of peace for me.

My mother lost her battle with cancer last Thursday, July 22nd. I stood at her bedside with my sister, and we held her hand together as she passed. It was a very sad and beautiful moment to share with my uncle and other family and friends who had come to stay with her on her last day. The funeral was this past Thursday. I stood for the family and paid tribute to my mother’s life – something that she asked me to do as one of her last requests. I was not certain that I would be able to read what I had written, but I prayed for strength (and several others prayed for me too which helped) and I was able to share. I am glad that I was able to do that for her. I hope that she was proud.

Now, as the intense emotions of past week are lessening, I am not busy each day with preparations for her funeral or going through her effects… grief and sadness have arrived in full force, and I am sitting with both of them openly. How can I not?

I have not written anything, other than my mother’s eulogy, in the past week or so. I don’t know if I can write anything more than this note now. The words will come again. Right now, I cannot erase certain images from my mind, and they are weighing heavily on me. Walking through the lotus ponds today, I hope I have found other images to soften the ones stuck in my mind.

taking each day one at a time.

– la

foundlings

I don’t have much to say this morning – remembering happier times and happier days than today. I wanted to share a foundling though instead. I have no recollection of when I wrote this down – it’s not dated, and is scribbled on a random piece of paper that I found in a book this morning. It is far more interesting than my day is.

question above breath
drawn circle
from concrete hand
explore which is embraced
remember the dark child
~

It’s a little random, but hey – it grabbed me. Just wish I could remember when I wrote it…. sometime in the last three months though. Of that I am pretty sure.

la

excerpt – Keeping up with yesterday (2nd)

A gull sat on the wooden piling of the pier and stared out to sea. It was mid-morning, according to Gerald’s watch. The harbor was empty except for the lame boats still moored. The boys on the dock would be getting to them eventually. Blown motors, leaking cabins and who knows what else was on the list needing to be fixed. Gerald didn’t care. He scratched his chin with his index finger and then snaked the finger up behind his ear under his cap.

“Gerald Calder?” Gerald turned around and looked at the two men standing on the gravel road that lead up to the pier. They were smart looking, wearing clean suits and polished shoes. The one man was taller and more unkept than the black haired one. Gerald didn’t like either of them.

“You’re late.” He said gruffly. He hauled himself up off the railing and lumbered towards them. Gerald pushed passed the men and made his way to his truck. He took out a pile of folded maps and set them down on the wooden picnic table that he had parked beside. As he spread them out, the short one introduced himself.

“Sir, my name is Michael Avro, I …” Michael began. He tried to offer his hand but Gerald waved him off.

“Don’t be a fool, I know who you are.” Snapped Gerald. Michael stepped back, then looked abashed. Tristan sniggered. Michael shot him a look and Tristan went silent.

“I don’t like waiting. You are lucky that it’s not a busy day for me today.” Gerald muttered. He was busy unfolding maps, and did not hear Tristan comment to Michael under his breath.

“Like any day here is busy” Tristan said. Michael shot him another look. Gerald looked up from under the brim of his cap and frowned.

“Do you want to see what you’re buying today or not?” he said. Gerald pointed a stubby finger to a highlighted parcel of land. His finger left a grease mark over a small lake. Michael tilted his head and tried to look at the land from a different angle. Tristan looked out down the road, ignoring the other two completely.

“The road is accessible at any time of year?” Michael asked. He took out a pad of paper and started to scribble down some notes. Gerald shook his head.

“Only during the summer, unless you get the county to come in and do something about it. Winter is impossible, right up until the end of spring when the ground dries out.” He said. Michael squinted his eyes and looked at the other map details.

“You’re asking only $3,000 for this still, yes?” Michael stated. He had the listing folded neatly in is pocket. They had already made an offer to buy 10 parcels of land in the area, Gerald’s was the last one.

“Yep. Steep price for 10 acres but what are you going to do.” Gerald said rubbing his chin. Michael said nothing. Tristan toed the dirt. No one spoke. Gerald watched the two brothers closely. They didn’t consult each other. Gerald noticed they barely even looked at each other. He could really use the money and the land was useless anyway; mostly swamp and nowhere to build anything. Gerald felt like he was stealing from children. He liked that.

“It’s a fair price, Mr. Calder. We will give you 3 thousand for it. I will have my bank wire the cash to your account directly.” Michael said finally. Gerald smiled widely. He put out his fleshy fist to shake Michael’s hand.

“Oh well now you can call me Gerald, now” he said. Michael shook his hand. Tristan walked away to inspect something he saw on the side of the harbor shack.

“It’s a deal” Gerald continued. He ignored Tristan. Michael was the one to do with business with, Gerald realized. He cleared his throat and spoke again.

“Now if you are interested in buying some more land, I have a couple of buddies who might be interested in selling…” he began. Michael thought for a moment.

“Possibly, but I will have to contact you. We need to get this squared away first… where is the land your buddies have?” Michael asked. Gerald grinned and pulled out two more maps. He spread them out over top of the other one, and stabbed randomly with his finger.

“Around in this area, I will have to get a hold of the guys first of course, but just so you know the general area.” Gerald offered. He hooked his thumb into his belt loop and leaned on his other hand.

“Things have been pretty slow around here work wise. People are kind of desperate for money you know. They would probably give you a fair deal too.” Gerald said nodding. Michael agreed. Gerald clapped his hands. The noise was so loud that it made Tristan poke his head back around the end of the shack.

“Alright Michael Arvo, you have yourself a deal. It’s been good doing business with you.” Gerald clapped Michael on the back and started folding up the maps.

“Do you mind if I have those for awhile Gerald?” Michael asked, “If it’s no trouble.” Gerald chortled.

“Of course. I made the land registry copy these for you. No trouble at all.” He said. Gerald started to wad up the paper, but Michael stepped in and began folding for him. Gerald clapped him on the back again and started off to his truck.

“Be talking to you soon then Michael?” Gerald asked. Michael nodded.

“Yes definitely. I will call in the next couple of days. Find out from your friends if they are interested in selling their plots.” Michael said. Gerald nodded vigorously as he climbed into his truck.

“Don’t you worry, I will talk to them.” He said as he turned on the engine. The roar drowned out anything else that was said. Gerald shifted the truck into gear and rolled out of the small harbor parking lot. Michael watched him leave. Tristan came back from behind the shack, shaking his head.

excerpt – Keeping up with yesterday

Anna sat with her back to the red washed brick wall. Her legs were tucked underneath her chair, hooked around the side as she leaned on the table. She pretended to read the book that she had brought with her, but she stared discreetly over the top of the pages at the man sitting on the opposite side of the café. Anna was certain that she knew him, though she could not place how or where they had met. He sat alone, with his back half turned to her, drinking black coffee and occasionally looking at his watch. Anna took out her notebook and scribbled down a few words to remind her of what he looked like. She knew that she would remember eventually, especially if she had some notes to go by. His voice startled her.

“May I sit?” he asked. Anna gaped. She paused for what felt like an hour and then smiled, closed her books and put them back into her leather bag all in one smooth fluid motion. She nodded.
“Yes, of course. Please sit.” She said. The man sat down easily and extended his hand to her.

“And you are?” he asked. There was an edge to his politeness that Anna was not prepared for. Anna didn’t hesitate, taking his hand and shaking it firmly. Her strong handshake made the man raise his eyebrow slightly.
“Anna Crisp” she said. The man frowned and then smiled again. There was an awkward silence. The man had not let go of her hand. When he did not offer up his own name, Anna leaned forward and said firmly.
“I am going to need that back.” She said. The man looked at her confused.
“My hand.” Anna nodded to their extended handshake.

“Oh, sorry, I… “ the man sputtered. Anna sat back in her chair, and looked around for a waiter, then turned back to the man. Anna noticed the tailoring was impeccable on the midnight blue suit he was wearing. The cuffs of his shirt were sharply pressed and not frayed. The fabric hugged his frame perfectly.
“You are?” Anna asked. She didn’t like having to ask. If a strange man approaches a woman at a café, she thought, it was only polite to at least give his name after sitting down. She folded her hands on her lap and waited. The man blushed.
“Once again, I am sorry. I should have introduced myself first. My name is Michael. Michael Arvo.” He said.

“It is nice to meet you Michael. What brings you here to Port?” Anna asked. The waiter appeared in the doorway of the café and Anna waved him over.

“I hope you don’t mind, but I am going to order some food. Would you like anything?” Anna said. Michael hesitated and then nodded. They both ordered some lunch and when the waiter left, Michael leaned forward.
“I am here to meet someone.” He said. The words hung between them. Anna nodded. She was still trying to place his name and face.

“Who are you here to meet?” she asked. Michael shifted in his chair. He turned himself slight to be able to see the entrance of the café.

“It is doesn’t matter now. I don’t think that they are coming. I am only here for the afternoon and then I will have to drive back again to the city.” He continued before Anna could interject. “I noticed that you were watching me. You have a familiar face.” This time Anna blushed.
“You have keen eyes. I was trying not to be obvious. You are familiar to me too though I cannot for the life of me place where we have met before.” She said. Anna was relieved when the waiter brought their food.
“I travel a lot.” Michael said, picking up a fork and testing the pasta he had ordered. Anna nodded.

“I see” she said. “I rarely travel. My work does not require it. I spend most of my time in this area… “

“Perhaps we met at a party or someone’s house?” Michael asked. He offered the basket of fresh bread to Anna before setting it down between them. Anna began to eat the grilled trout and roasted asparagus. She shook her head.
“No I don’t think so.” She said. Michael shrugged. He looked at his watch again.

“I supposed it doesn’t matter. It is hard to keep up with yesterday.” He said with a wry smile. Anna paused and then agreed.

“Yes, it certainly is.” She said. “Tell me about your travels. I would love to hear about them.”

Michael began to tell her about the places he had gone to recently, in between mouthfuls of penne and shrimp. Anna listened, intrigued. They sat together as though they had known each other for years, yet only had just met. Anna hoped that the person that Michael was meant to meet, never showed up. No sooner had she thought it, a man dressed in a dark suit, arrived at the gate of the café patio. Michael was retelling a story of his last trip to Tuscany. The man saw Michael first and walked over.
“That is my brother, always boasting to beautiful woman about his glamorous life.” The man said clasping Michael’s shoulder tightly. Michael jumped, startled by the sudden arrival of his brother but recovered quickly.
“I am sorry that I was late Michael, but I see that you found a way to occupy yourself.” The man said to Michael looking down at Anna. Anna bristled. She immediately did not like him. Michael motioned for his brother to sit as he introduced him to Anna.
“Anna Crisp, Tristan Arvo” he said. Tristan reached across the table and shook Anna’s hand. He barely looked at her. Tristan turned to his brother and spoke quickly.
“We need to go. They are waiting for us.” He said. Michael nodded.

“ I know that they are waiting. If you weren’t two hours late, then they wouldn’t be waiting would they?” Michael said. He did not feign a smile for anyone’s sake. “I will take care of the bill first.” He said getting up before anyone could protest. When Michael disappeared into the café, Tristan turned to Anna.
“ How do you know Micheal?” he asked directly. Tristan’s bluntness rubbed at Anna like a rasp.

“I don’t in fact. We just met today.” She said. Tristan looked at her closely. Anna did not move.

“I find that unlikely.” Tristan said. Anna blushed.

“Unlikely that your brother would meet someone for the first time?” Anna asked. She played with the beads around her neck. She didn’t explain to Tristan that both she and Michael felt that they had met before though neither could say where. Tristan eyed her, making Anna feel uncomfortable. Michael arrived back at the table.
“Let’s go.” He said abruptly to Tristan. Michael reached out his hand to Anna again.
“It was nice to meet you Anna. Thank you for keeping me company while I was waiting.” He said with a smile. Anna nodded.
“You’re welcome.” She said. The brothers stood side by side. Anna could see the family similarities playing across their features. There were sharp contrasts, like Tristan’s muddy blond hair that curled like a knotted mess on his head and Michael’s black short cropped hair. Their eyes were the same, clear blue and rimmed with black. Their mouths were similar also.
“Thank you for having lunch with me.” Anna said. She caught herself just in time before saying that she hoped to see him again. She did want to see him, but instinctively, she knew that it was better that Tristan didn’t know. Anna wasn’t so stupid to miss the dangerous edge that played between the two brothers. If she ran into Michael on his own again, she wouldn’t be disappointed. They had a pleasant time together.
Michael nodded then turned away. Anna watched the brothers leave. She was surprised to find Michael’s business card tucked into her handbag when she got up to return to her office.
~