There are some days when I just need to hug my girls a little tighter and tell them that I love them a few extra times. The past few days have been that way for me. It is hard to not become introspective knowing that a friend’s life has been suddenly shaken and transformed by the death of a loved one. Five months ago mine was as well. Grief comes and goes for me, and it is hard to know that someone I care about is going through something similar. What I try to do each day is stay present, focus on the day, what comes and appreciate as much as I can the beauty that each day brings. It is ok to be sad, and ok to have moments that are completely overwhelming. Today I am grateful for the sunshine that made the fresh snow sparkle. I am also grateful for the blue sky or at least glimpses of it after so many grey days.

I am also very grateful for the imagination of my daughters. My daughter Sammy invented a scheme to contain her commentary (an empty pringles can)… last night she began her running commentary during the movie that we were watching and continued it today (during a viewing of Return of the Mummy). I almost wish that I could have recorded what she was saying, but in a way, it is enough to know that her words are trapped in the pringle’s can, waiting to be released. It will make me chuckle for a while. I so appreciate their sense of humor – Sam’s clever mind, Gabbie’s quirky sensibility (don’t know too many 15 year olds who go tobogganing with their mother and a giant sock monkey). They are one of a kind and I love them for it.

I am grateful for the scent of oranges and lemons, just because.

I am grateful for…
1. brief windows of sunshine on an otherwise snowy day
2. the imagination of my daughters
3. the scent of oranges and lemon
4. toboggans

This morning I woke up to two inches of snow with more falling. The snow flakes just seemed to grow bigger and fluffier as the day went on. I love days like this. These days, I have been appreciating the simple things, being with my daughters, going out for breakfast with them, which I rarely have a chance to do, and having some spontaneous fun (like trying on silly hats). Staying present for everything that arrives helps to keep focussed on the simple things… and hug my girls a little tighter because life is too short not to. I am deeply grateful for days like today. I am grateful to be a mother, to be able to spend my days with my daughters, hear their laughter, their wise words, and dreams for the future.

I was also humbled and deeply grateful for the incredibly moving and kind words from friends today and yesterday. I am truly honoured by your kindness and deeply moved. I know that none of you have said what you have to puff me up or said anything lightly – which only moves me more. I don’t know what the future holds for me – I am living each day as it comes, but I do know that I will continue to create, share what I see and hear in whatever way that I feel I can. Thank you for encouraging, supporting and allowing me to be just who I am. I am so grateful for that.

1. big fluffy snowflakes because they’re SO FLUFFY!
2. spontaneous silly/ fabulous hat trying on moments
3. have someone else make breakfast for me on a Saturday morning
4. hearing the incredibly moving and kind words of friends. I am honoured to know you and deeply moved

today, I reach out from my center, from my heart, outward, inward and upward, in all directions with loving kindness. For those who are suffering after the passing of a loving and loved brother, for those feeling alone and isolated, for those beginning a new life, a new path, and for myself still grieving and finding my way. With each breath, I reach forward with this thread.

today, I am grateful for being able to reach out to those I care about, even if I do not always know if they get the message or ‘hear’ what I have said. I am grateful for every breath and every ordinary moment, because they are amazing. I am grateful for being able to share how I see the world and I am grateful knowing how people respond to that, if only for one single day. I am better for all of it.

xo

I am grateful for moments that allow me to expect miracles. I have to start off today’s post by offering up love, prayers and healing positive thoughts to my friend Stuart Saunders and his brother Craig David Saunders. Craig was in a terrible accident yesterday afternoon and is currently on life support in London, ON after being hit by a transport truck. His family is with him, including his brother Stu. Today, my gratitude lies in miracles – and that there will be one for the Saunders family. Life can change in an instant, and we can expect miracles.

I am grateful for the lessons and messages  that I have been receiving lately, from people, from dreams and elsewhere. It has been an intense period of learning for me, and more I am sure is to come. Thank you to those who have been my teacher, even if they did not realize that they were at the time.

I am grateful for community – especially the network of friends and family that are able to reach out in rough times and in joyous times. Community, in whatever form it may take – on the street where you live, where you work, the network of friends and loved ones that remain in contact with you using whatever communication tool available (letter, phone, face to face, email, social network site)… all of this is part of the structure of community…. and we live and thrive within it. I am deeply grateful for that.

I am grateful for sleep. I have been doing a lot of it over the past day and a half, trying to get rid of the ick that has invaded my body. Sleep is healing.

Hot water and lemon… so simple and yet so effective. thank you for allowing me to breathe freely and speak without sounding too much like a growly old man.

today I am thankful for
1. lessons and messages
2. community
3. sleep
4. hot water and lemon

When I first sat down to write today’s gratitude entry, I came up with a blank. I asked myself, what are you thankful for today. Nothing came. It’s not that I am not grateful, or don’t have things to be grateful for, but in that moment, it was just an empty moment. I have been feeling kind of empty this week, after learning that a friend, who I met at work, died on Saturday. She was a very sweet person, full of life and I enjoyed many long talks with her whenever she came in. We were working on writing a history of the Boys & Girls Club of London and the Horton Street Seniors Centre for the past five years. It was a pet project for both of us. Recording history, stories of members, how the Club impacted on their lives and the changes the organization has gone through over the years. I will miss her and the talks that we had. Luckily, I saw her before Christmas – we sat for an hour talking and catching up. She had been ill for awhile but was feeling well enough that day to come in and visit. She was going away for Christmas and January to Arizona. She was excited about it. It was a shock to learn Monday that she had passed. She had her secrets. Unfortunately she didn’t tell me she was sick with stomach cancer. I didn’t know. I am grateful for people who come into my life, even if it can only for a short period of time, and who affect me in a deep and profound way. It is difficult not to be sad when they are gone but grateful to have had the chance to know and spend time with them. I don’t know if our little pet project will ever be completed now, but I am glad that we worked together on it.

I am grateful that I am not afraid to fix something when it breaks. I can usually figure it out and fix it. I like to be independent that way. The rule that things happen in threes is true. The furnace, the dryer and the windshield wipers on my car all “exploded” in the span of the last two days. Luckily now, they are all repaired as well.

I am grateful for unexpected gifts and kindness from people. I have been looking for a silver brooch for many years, one similar to a brooch my grandmother used to have. I don’t know why, but lately I have been thinking about it again, and have had a strong ‘need’ to find one for myself. I went into the cafe at work this morning to order some breakfast, when one of my friends, a member, jumped up out of her seat and came hurrying over to me. She had gone through her things and found a brooch that she had. She wanted to see if it was similar to the one I was looking for. It is very close. She insisted on giving it to me. It was such a kind and thoughtful thing to do, and a gift that I will keep close to my heart.

I am also grateful for people’s sense of wonder and amazement. I rarely write about these kinds of things or go into much detail about it, but today something beautiful happened in my meditation class. I led the class as I usually do Wednesday mornings. A new meditation came through today – I usually wait to see what is inspired by the people in the class, tuning into their energy and conversations prior to the class beginning. After the 20 minute meditation, we sit together and talk about anything that may have happened/ come up. Quite often it is about something personal, related to health or emotions… the chat at the end is a nice way for people in the class to ask questions, share a bit of what is going on for them, and release anything that might have stirred them up during the quiet parts of the meditation. Today a new setting and focus came up. It had quite an impact on everyone, and the chat was filled with wonder and amazement. It is humbling and inspiring to hear someone talk about what they have experienced, especially if it amazes them. They (in the class) often think I have something to do with what happens, but I don’t. It’s just them becoming more open and aware of what happens on any ordinary day. A simple opportunity to reconnect and become centred can be amazing, no doubt, but the only thing I ‘do’  is allow for it to happen for others. and when it does, it is wonderful. I am grateful for the victories of others.

today I am grateful for:

1. people

2. being mechanically minded and able to fix stuff when it breaks down because it always tends to happen and in threes…

3. unexpected gifts and people’s kindness towards me

4. people’s sense of wonder and amazement. It is humbling and inspiring.

ah day 7, has it already been a week *pinches arm* feels like I have been dreaming again. The days are just flying by it seems – how can it already be a week, let alone the 25th of January. Oiy. Anyway, I suppose that it is better to focus on the task at hand, rather than sit here and shake my head in disbelief.

Today, I am grateful for those reminders though that give me a good kick in the rear factor. They make me stop, take note and re-evaluate. Oh, yeah I am hard on myself. I probably didn’t need a million reminders of that fact, but that’s what I have been getting over the past, well at least two months. I know it – ok Universe? I know I am hard on myself, and that I have to stop and give myself a break. I will start today. I am grateful for the opportunity to stop being hard on myself, at least for a little while until I screw up again. I am more grateful for music. I have said thank you before for that gift but today I am saying it again and again. I sincerely love this gift. So much. And of course, I am grateful for friends – especially those who find me late at night/ early morning and offer some reassurance. Finally – I am grateful for the electric blanket during these frigid days… actually, I am grateful for remember where I put it and wrestling it onto the bed last night. I was toasty warm while I was sleeping, which was a big improvement from the night before when I seriously considered wearing a toque to bed. Being warm again warrants a little chair dance I think… why not!?

I am grateful for…

1. the late night kick in the ass to remind me to stop being hard on myself and have faith in me.
2. the gift of music.
3. so grateful for friends
4. finding the electric blanket…. enuff said.

Have a beautiful day today. I mean it.

la

Lake Erie yesterday – brr!

Yes, yes it is. And that is why I am grateful for sweaters and scarves, in particular a beautiful thick sweater that came all the way from Ireland that I plan to wear today because I have been frozen since yesterday. I woke up at 2am last night, I think because it was so bloody cold. I was tempted to get up and find a toque to put on, but I just buried myself in the blankets instead.

Being awake in the dead of night for no good reason (like getting up to use the facilities or comforting a child who has just woken from a nightmare) is a unique opportunity to think. The “being awake” part is not being entirely awake and my mind just wonders and wanders aimlessly until it finds something to jump on. Sometimes these early morning/ middle of the night moments bring insight into something that has been bothering me. Last night was one such night… I am grateful for those moments.

I am also very grateful to not have had a sniffle since the winter started. *knocks on wood again and again* There are some nasty flus going around and colds that seems to swoop in suddenly and knock people out. Hopefully it is something that I will be able to avoid for awhile longer. I am in no mood to be sick. Plus, I don’t have time for it. Which brings me back full circle to being thankful for sweaters and scarves. I am going to go and put both on now.

today I am thankful for:

1. sweaters and scarves
2. waking up at 2am for no reason
3. not being down with a cold/ flu at the moment *knock on wood*
4. moments that allow me to see myself as I really am

Well, it is bloody cold outside. The thermometer says -21C and with the wind it is minus a million. I am still going out with my camera because the sun is shining today…. with an extra layer of thermal underwear on though!

today I am thankful for:

1. sunshine
2. that my body heals quickly (cut my hand yesterday on a broken glass but it’s healing nicely)
3. my new desk
4. warm clothes in layers and a good pair of boots to stomp around in the snow with

I have noticed how the concept of 30 days of gratitude is spreading… little lists are popping up here and there. I think that’s wonderful. I have never kept a gratitude journal before or kept track anywhere the things that I am grateful for. The practice of mindfulness and gratitude for me go hand in hand. I like the idea of making the practice more ‘concrete’ for a short period of time  (or however long it is meant to be) because then, I will be able to look back on the lists and appreciate where I was at that particular moment in time. Plus it’s just fun. It’s fun to be able to share a note about the things that make me appreciate my life. I know that it will help me to be kinder and more compassionate towards myself on those days when I am being particularly ruthless and am feeling low. There are only upsides in doing this as far as I am concerned.

Time to go out and enjoy the sunshine.

la

I just wanted to share something that my friend Kathy Drue, who is a wonderful writer and keeps a beautiful blog called Lake Superior Spirit, shared with all of her friends on Facebook as well as on her blog. I came across her 30 days of gratitude challenge on Tuesday and jumped right on board. Here is the challenge that she has given us:

“I am going to post on Facebook (and elsewhere) things I’m grateful for–for the next 30 days. Anyone want to join in? (If you really want a challenge–post four things you’re grateful for each day. You’ll be grateful for 120 jewels in your life by February.”

So, since Tuesday I have been posting four things that I am grateful for each day. Coincidently, the challenge came exactly one month before my 41st birthday. I can really think of no better way of spending the next thirty days sharing some of the things I am grateful for each day. I decided to create a separate blog for my 30 days of gratitude because I would like to continue even after the 30 days are up.

Anyway, here’s a link to it if you are interested:

30 days of gratitude

thank you  😉

la

I am grateful for:

1. being heard, being acknowledged in unexpected ways. It is the kind of encouragement that I never ask for or expect but deeply appreciate knowing.
2. ordinary moments that I am allowed to share with others.
3. friends
4. laughter

day 3… I am grateful for:
1. snow. I went outside this morning to find another two inches on the ground and everywhere. beautiful.

2. good coffee. Now that I have found the perfect grinder I never have a bitter cup thanks to a brilliant friend. (thanks again Andrew!)

3. that it’s Friday and tomorrow I will have a new desk to write at!

4. to have a head full of stories waiting to be written…

This morning I woke up to a fresh blanket of snow. About three inches fell/ blew over my yard and driveway. When I went outside the air was crisp and fresh, the snow soft and fluffy and everything was hushed because it was very early morning. I love fresh fallen snow when there are no footsteps, no tire tracks, no trail. This morning there was only one set of tracks that came through the drive – rabbit tracks, which means the hawk will likely be back this afternoon if it warms up. One of the commitments that I have made to myself for this coming year is to get a desk to write at (instead of having my laptop always perched on my lap. I was pricing desks out and was going to buy one this weekend, but now won’t have to. A desk that my father does not want will be coming to me tomorrow. I will be putting it to very good use. I am as grateful for the desk as I am for very good timing.It may seem a bit silly, but the other thing I am very grateful for is good coffee. More specifically, good ground coffee. I am not a coffee snob. I can’t tell you how to make a venti ½ whip low fat double espresso back flip that is at 150C or whatever. I just like a good cup of coffee. Simple cup of coffee with two cream, nothing else. I don’t like bitter coffee. If lights could have flashed and bells went off when my friend Andrew let me know about a burr grinder he bought then everyone could have seen how happy I was. It is always great when friends share something they find with me – especially when I have been researching a purchase to find the right machine for the job. The grinder was a Christmas gift to myself and I have used it every day since I got it.  It’s a nice way to start the day off.

la