lei fraser

imagine.create.become

  • I have been away
    from this shell and its familiar curves
    turning around in circles
    spiral outward
    reaching through empty doorways
    half opened windows
    beckoning begging
    I have been away
    reaching the shore
    through clear water
    walking in the rain
    quiet evening in the woods
    sitting late in the moonlight
    and laying in the sunlight
    to watch the hawks flying overhead
    in low and long lazy circles
    drawing me homeward
    to fill the doorways
    with my body
    the windows with my eyes
    the laughter and love
    through the hallways
    and beyond to the skies

    I have been away
    waiting to return

    ~

    06.06.06
    Leigh-Anne Tyson

  • Wading in
    The water cold
    Around my knees, my thighs, my waist
    Cloth floats around my body
    Paler waves of white cotton
    Undulate like the delicate fins
    Of passing fish
    Heart thunders against the cage
    Of my chest
    From somewhere a voice
    Pushes me forward, deeper
    Stones and sand hold my feet
    From the floor of the sea
    I cannot see below
    Not yet
    Only the horizon
    And the rising sun

    Wading in, light jumps
    Through the waves
    Children chasing themselves
    Random and free
    Like the seemingly chaotic
    Flight of a butterfly
    Caught in the slightest breeze
    I am up to my neck now
    Moving further
    Arms stretched out
    Below the surface
    To keep my balance

    My mind screams to hesitate
    As the darkness looms
    Through the clear water
    My toes dig in as the edge
    Pulls me nearer
    Closer still with each
    Half step now
    Inching inching inching
    There is no one left
    To do this
    To step out from the shifting sand
    No one left to guide
    To hold my hand
    To assure me
    To push me
    Over
    No blame
    Only mine
    Only mind
    Only me now
    In this expanse of sea
    Left here to
    Spread myself
    My self
    Outward
    In this light

    ~

    13.06.06
    Leigh-Anne Tyson

  • I felt the words catch in my throat
    Clamoring to be first
    And yet somehow stopped
    In a spiraled gate – unspoken

    Behind the soft light of the fading day
    I find myself speechless
    Torn between the words I want to say
    And wanting to say nothing

    Voice – unused with no way
    To be truly heard
    Unsure and retreating
    In silence there is safety

    Pages unwritten lay before my hands
    Ink safe stored within the case
    Fingers idle, thoughts rampant
    Heart on fire

    The hours march by my head
    Pressed again upon the glass
    Looking outward
    Memories pulling backward

    Eyes closed or open
    This ache will not leave
    I will be empty in this place
    No apology can fill this whole

    Inside
    Outside

    The moon, unknown mystery
    Waiting to be solved
    All of this I throw to you
    Throw up and out of me

    Nothing is as it feels
    The ocean breathes
    The waves move
    Flow forward, return
    To the centre
    And again

    Forgive me

    ~

    13.06.06
    Leigh-Anne Tyson

  • To spend the last few hours
    Of light, my love
    At the feet of another day
    Is a kind of privilege
    That is not lost on me
    I have spoken of You here
    In poems and fragments of thought
    Spun out of the deepest part of my soul
    Like opening my hands
    To release a thousand butterflies
    I have watched my words
    My feelings, my heart take to the sky
    In erratic flight
    Beyond me
    Beyond the paper upon which I’ve written
    Beyond my control, my will
    Where they land, how they are heard
    These seemingly random threads
    Has little I realize, if anything
    To do with me –
    I wish that it did
    Even for the smallest of moments
    If I could guarantee
    The direction of the wind and its clarity
    That these words would reach You
    To tell you I have found the strongest reflection of You
    Within
    For that moment – my one and only wish is this
    That you would know
    How much I love you
    Even now, just as the words
    Leave my fingers
    I know it can never be
    Now, with the shadows growing longer
    And the water in the fountain sings quietly at my elbow
    – the poplar leaves rush like waves through the wind
    And carry with them the sound of an invisible sea
    The evening lifts me to the sky
    Will it ever be enough …. Just to love you
    The question weighs heavily on me
    Even though I have failed in so many lifetimes to be heard
    Even though I know it cannot be
    Even if the knowing exists in a place where words will never reach
    Tonight, in this fading summer light
    I say to you once more
    The simplest words I know
    I love you

    ~

    14.06.06
    Leigh-Anne Tyson

  • Fractured light
    falling across my hands
    through the hanging crystal
    half-open, the window catches
    the breeze caresses me
    somewhere the sky builds
    the winds announce distant arrival
    of another storm
    now as I sit to watch the horizon
    where blue sky reaches down
    to kiss the land
    I will rest in the sunlight
    the time will come soon enough
    to move inside

    ~

    17.06.06
    Leigh-Anne Tyson

  • Under these stones and moss
    Looking for lost and forgotten
    Things
    Undefined by a name
    And yet imprinted
    On my waking mind all the same

    Turn this one over
    Sparkling in the half light
    The world below disturbed
    By this abrupt change
    Effort proven fruitless

    No reward
    Just another emptied stone

    You life are waiting for what?
    An invitation in gold?
    Well yes that would be very nice
    Don’t you think?

    Look this other stone has sunk
    So deeply in the warm soft soil
    Cupped so lovingly in the belly
    Of the earth –
    Do you dare to pluck it out?

    Where is the boundary of the forest
    That gives way to the meadow, to
    The mountains, to the sea?
    Where is the line ? is there one?

    What of this gaping hole
    A mouth attached to an even
    Hungrier soul waiting to be fed
    Now that you managed
    To pry away another stone
    You had no business touching…

    Life – time to let go now
    Of the rope
    you have been taunting
    Yourself with
    Leave the stones and moss
    Where they lay
    Let go and live.

    ~

    Leigh Tyson
    22.06.06

  • It is the words that stick in my mind
    With the notes intertwined
    Another thought trailing through
    Attached to my heel like a piece of toilet paper
    Embarrassing – yes
    And yet still unnoticed at first

    Why did you find your way a thread
    That has woven itself into the very core of me
    It isn’t the rush of memory and ideas that
    Blow passed me like a sudden gust of wind
    Taking my skirt and pressing it against the skin
    Of my bare legs threatening to expose
    Everything
    It isn’t the sudden loss of breath
    Realizing that it is not only this moment
    But every moment leading up to now
    That brings me to say to you
    Yes, things are not right since I left and
    Never again will be
    That my life – such that it is
    Is incomplete and empty now
    And that whole
    Will find no filler
    I won’t allow it
    I would rather be empty
    Empty than fill it with something,
    Someone else

    You song, I blame you for this
    Though it is the pain that I need to carry
    With me for each of my remaining days
    I won’t forgo the consequence
    Really though, I love you song
    For opening my heart again
    When I have refused so long
    To bare it again
    However scarred
    In the dress of notes and letters
    And harmonies
    My soul sang along
    and wept
    For three minutes and 28 seconds
    and beyond the wall of time

    ~

    24.06.06
    Leigh-Anne Tyson

  • The Seventh Leaf

    Petals of the lotus bloom
    Unfold, warmed by the sun
    Nothing hidden
    Pushing upward
    Through the mud
    And still water
    Broad leaves wide open
    Like palms
    Upturned to the sky
    Cradling the morning dew
    Like jewels
    Unaided
    While the dragonflies
    Dip and skim
    Across the water’s serene face

    ~

    We don’t begin our lives as the bloom, but as the sleeping seed in the mud – deep beneath the surface, waiting for the right moment to reach out, to grow and unfold. We are born with everything we need to live our lives completely – these words and ideas have been written over and over before for thousands of years, in hundreds of different languages and forms. The irony of course is that it isn’t until we, as an individual, start to really experience this in an authentic way that we are able to deeply understand what it means. We don’t begin with the task completed, knowing all of the right tools for us to use in order to unlock the truth within ourselves, but we begin to learn from the moment that we are born. The tools that we learn to use are unique to each of us. What works in my life, for example – the accumulation of ideas and experiences from my own life are unique to me – I can’t be living someone else’s life, no more than anyone else can live mine. This is not to say that there are not similarities between people – we count on those similarities to remind us that we are never alone.

    In any given pond, a few dozen to a few hundred lotus plants can live and bloom. The mechanics of a pond system are complex, and a pond will only be able to sustain a certain amount of wildlife, floral and fauna and aquatic life in order to remain healthy and vibrant. All the lotus live and bloom together, each part of the same family, sharing characteristics and growth processes that are similar if not in some cases identical. Each in turn has functional part of the ecosystem in which they live, and are intimately connected. Like each lotus, we are part of the whole – perfect in our own birth, waiting to bloom from the depths of the mud to be an effortless part of the whole.

    Imagine the lotus we are has seven petals or leaves. When the first petal unfolds, the core is still tightly wrapped in petals and husk – almost entirely protected and concealed from the outside world. In the right circumstances, with the sun to warm the broad leaves to aid in the generation of the necessary food for the entire plant to live, with the right amount of nutrients in the soil, the right temperature and finally the right amount of time, the lotus bloom begins to unfold more and more.

    The second petal opens just wide enough for the dragonfly to rest on its delicate edge. The third petal opens the bloom even further allowing the rain to collect in its soft curves. The fourth petal opens to be kissed by the warm summer breezes that are gently rocking this newborn in its invisible arms. The opening of the fifth petal brings a new kind of confidence to the bloom – a curiosity about the world, a yearning to know more. The sixth petal, and perhaps the most dangerous of moments, reveals almost completely now the centre of the lotus – the precious seed pod of the full lotus bloom. The thirst for understanding the surrounding world can be so overwhelming during this time, despite the fullness of the bloom, and having almost reached the pinnacle of its life before beginning to decline again for another season. There is a fragility in the opening of the sixth petal that is often overlooked, taken for granted or simply ignored in this rush to reach the zenith. But, it is in the final petal, when every part of the lotus bloom is exposed finally that the lotus is completely know for what it is. The seventh petal is captured in a perfect moment, where the bloom moves in harmony with every other breeze, every flap of wing, every raindrop, every ray of sunshine and every kiss of moonlight. This is why the lotus grows up from the mud – for the seventh leaf to unfold.

    ~

    born of someone else’s dream – a thought
    with strong wings that flew
    flew from the most beautiful of souls
    to my quiet ears
    I was like the ground
    Filled with rain after the storm
    The seed long since planted
    Found its feet deep below
    Born and left sleeping
    Until now

    ~
    12.07.06
    Leigh-Anne Tyson

  • Oh, in this dying light
    I am lost
    The sun makes the shadows
    Sharper and I –
    I am simply caught between them
    How is it that my life
    Cannot be forfeit
    Or at least shoulder the burden
    There are so many suffering
    And yet my shoulders
    Can’t hold enough
    I would kiss your lips and
    Raise you up
    Let you soak in the rays of the sun
    One last time before you leave
    I would bleed for you
    If it would give you more time
    With your children
    With those who loved you
    More than life itself
    I would die for you
    If it would give you one more day
    To say goodbye and make amends
    If
    The dreaded and strangling stated
    That pulls you tears you
    Tears me into two
    Separate and yet whole in the same
    Breath
    Please
    Yes I am pleading now
    In the darkness unspoken
    Wordless and divine
    Please
    In this passing let you go
    In the arms of love and light
    To guide you
    Through everything
    That is to come

    ~

    21.05.06
    Leigh-Anne Tyson

  • Again
    Torn between
    The leaving and staying
    The left behind and going forward
    Letting go
    Letting me
    Go
    What breath is left
    And can this end now
    With the passing of the breath
    From hear to well beyond
    I am sorry I was not a better daughter
    A better sister, a better mother
    A better person, a better friend
    To make you proud
    It is the child in me crying out now
    To hold you and hear you say
    Maybe for the first time
    That it will all be ok
    But in this silence
    The sense has flown
    With the sun
    as night descends over us
    If I can’t stop your pain,
    Ease your way
    If I can’t do this one thing for you
    Then I am useless
    How to let you go
    To carry on with the next day and the next?
    To wake and rise with the sun
    And carry out my day
    Each step through it knowing
    That you
    You do not know
    When the last
    Breath will come
    True you say, no one knows
    I do not
    Though in quiet moments
    I know just as well as you do
    When that time is for myself
    But you know that in the time
    When the wings begin to unfold
    In that time when the pain of birth, rebirth
    Is almost too much
    I will never
    Never
    Leave your side

    ~

    21.05.06
    Leigh-Anne Tyson

  • This is the word
    This
    Not that or my finger pointing
    But this
    The smallest detail is the whole
    And I – I am left numbed
    In the recognition
    Of myself
    In the dew drop
    This is the heart
    That broke
    This
    And that is the wing
    That it flew
    On and please
    Please don’t tell me
    Again
    It was me who broke it
    Who ran and crashed
    Into the wall
    No
    This is the eye
    That saw the blazing
    Fire beyond
    My own sight
    The path that wove
    Its way through the swamps
    And deep forests
    Please don’t let me
    Fall into the dark waters
    If I lean over too far
    To see my own reflection
    This is the mind
    That gave up and
    Left
    Chose the lone road
    Not knowing where it is going
    And I want to know
    I want to feel
    And see
    And love
    That is the dream
    That gives me
    Hope

    ~

    16.05.06
    Leigh-Anne Tyson

  • II

    This moment
    This face
    This heart
    Undone
    Wandering

    Practice folding
    The butterfly

    Unfolding to

    Let it fly
    Open wing
    Open palm
    Open heart
    Freedom, hope, faith
    Still planted
    In the soles of my feet
    Even when tears
    Fall
    Outstretched
    Stretched thin
    Green eyes grey
    Find the way home
    Find the way
    Home
    Again
    Unfolding folding
    Rising falling
    Dying being
    Born
    now

    ~

    16.05.06

    Leigh-Anne Tyson